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it's the beginning of the end
2002-01-01
so it's over now! finally! oh and happy new year!
last nite, however, was a bit annoying in another kind of way. staying in and all i, of course, didn't get around to have dinner with that luffly part of my family. my mom had cooked some meat that i didn't like because it has to be all pink when eaten and it kind of looked like it would get up and walk away any minute. i'm not a vegetarian but i have my limits. so i said i didn't want to eat. that, of course, caused trouble again. tho i haven't even made a big deal out of it. i just said that i wouldn't eat it but that was ok. but nooo...they had to give me strange looks and make subtle comments. and when i complained about being an arse out of they behaved like i had slapped them across the face and pretended that those comments weren't directed towards me. so we had a rather heated discussion for some minutes which i hate. i mean...i'm not too keen on that traditional stuff and blah but do we really have to fight on new years eve? and it was especially bad because i had tried to handle it as peacefully as possible without having to bend my back too much and eating the stuff. and yet they behaved like i had caused all the trouble. gawwd, i hate that.
so what else is new? oh yeah...i'm gonna get my new bed tomorrow. yey! but that means that a) this will be my last nite on my good old mattress on the floor and b) i have to tidy up the rest of my room after dawson's creek today. doesn't matter...it's not much and i will find more old goodies i've long forgotten about. hehe.
ok...dawson's creek is on now. so i gotta stop writing and pay attention to it. probably i'll add something later. see ya then.
stay beautiful!
my new year's eve has been the usual boring event. other people would probably end up being depressed for months afterwards. but i'm not. because i'm used to it. actually i can't remember a new years eve that i've spent happily celebrating. i don't think i've ever been out on that day. not in the common sense that is. until i was like 11 i went to the celebrations in my grandmas garden community each year. with my parents and stuff. i guess at that age it was fun. you get loads of candy and you're basically the center of the universe because all old ladies prefer playing with a kid and stuff instead of dancing with their half-dead husbands. then everything broke apart. my parents actually divorced when i was 6 ot 7 but it took my mom that long to actually get in trouble with his mother and stuff so the next years were spent at home. the first years, of course, i was too young to go out on my own so i spent new years eve with my mom and her parents watching the fireworks from our windows which was ok because we live close to the river and all the ppl who do fireworks do it on its edge so we have a pretty good view and i've always been afraid of getting to close to that stuff anyway. so it was fine. and i think over the years i got used to it. so much that i actually never really moved away from it to find some party to go to or whatever. and i mean...i've already mentioned what a huge party animal i am in one of my previous entries. so yeah...staying in on new years eve and watching tv, going online and stuff isn't that bad for me. nor is it new to me. so i guess that's the reason why i'm not particularly unhappy.
so i gave up on it and just kept my mouth shut. but then my grandpa exploded again and was all like 'during the war we had no choice. we had to eat whatever we could get our hands on' and actually went over to one of his war-stories. not wanting to stir any more trouble i just listened and actually found it quite interesting because it was the first time that he really gave rather detailed descriptions and really told us something about his life then. but after like an hour he finished with the sentence 'yeah, you have to experience war to really have a life' and that was the point where i couldn't help myself and just shouted 'right! i'll fly over to afghanistan tomorrow and get my arse bombed off so i can have a perfect life then'. i know i shouldn't have said that and i know he hates me for that but i mean...what else would you say in such a situation? i know it is a common thing that tho world war II was a bad time those who experienced it are actually proud of their past and talk like that but his comment was just too much for me. does that make me a bad person? i feel like such a bitch and yet i am too proud to go to him and apologize...which makes the whole thing even worse 
but then again...i guess he wouldn't even care. he's a strange man. he seems to be hurt for that short moment but afterwards he forgets about everything quite quickly and if someone mentions it later he doesn't even remember. so i guess i haven't fallen from grace so much after all.
i've even found lola the piggy back. she's...uhm...a little toy pig and i luved her soooo much when i was a kid. but she got lost several times since i was 12 and was always found back later. now i promised myself not to lose her again. (ah yeah...new year's resolutions...) as soon as i get my webcam (which i hopefully will get within the next 2 weeks) i will make a piccy of her and put it here. she's sweet.
liebling
xxx
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