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just another happy junkie
2001-12-31
yesterday i was pretty sloppy and depressed, right? i hate myself for that *lol* when i think about it...pretty much all my entries so far have been like that. maybe because i am like that.
i haven't been out today either. in fact i've been up til 5am last nite. so i slept til 2.30pm today. i stayed in bed til 3.30pm or so tho because i finally finished 'the lazarus heart' by poppy z. brite. pretty good book, tho lost souls and drawing blood were still a lot better and will forever be my faves i suppose. i'm gonna start reading 'exquisite corpse' tonite or tomorrow. we'll see what it's like them.
i showed a pic of my crush to a few people and they said he was cute. aww... soooo sweet! so far everyone said he looks crap and blah.
oh...i've found new hello kitty stuff on the net. ok, according to the dates the sites have been updated the last time it's not new but it's new to me. millions of piccies and stuff. aww... i can feel a school file re-do session coming my way. yey!
alright...as happy i might be...i'm also very very tired...despite having been up for not much more than 12 hours *lol*. tomorrow (well, today) is new year's eve but i'm not gonna spread any depressive feelings about that awful day now in order to not ruin the fun mood of this entry.
so...see y'all in the year 2k2!
stay beautiful!
oh well...this, however, is a HAPPY ENTRY. because i am happy today. i've been like that all evening. in fact i've been so happy and bouncy that engelchen who i've been talking to for quite some time tonite has asked me what's wrong and why i'm so not like myself. 
i dunno why. i'm not asking either. maybe i'm not really happy. maybe it's just an illusion of happiness (wow, that was deep). but i don't wanna know. it feels good.
so then i got up. ate something, walked around the flat...blabla. for like 2 hours. then i noticed that it had been snowing overnite and the world was all white. that was probably the point where i got rid of any glimpse of a plan of going out that might have possibly been inside my system before. i hate snow! it's cold and wet and white and you can slip on it and break every little bone in your body. dunno what everyone else likes about it. *shrugs*
so...after having made this decision i needed a new plan. luckily i got my hands on the tv programme just then. fortunately for me there was a brilliant programme of some old 80's series that i used to luv when i was a kid and dawson's creek episodes on. so i had a great time schedule for the day: watch tv-go online-watch tv-tidy up my room-watch tv-go online. hooray! and i even managed to keep that schedule! except for two short interruptions when i called a friend and then was called by a friend.
so i cleaned my room. you wouldn't believe what i found. 
i hardly do myself *g* MASSES of old videos. all my old take that things (files full of articles, mags, cassettes, etc...), some very cute old stuffed toys, my luffly old game boy games AND my old diary which i used to write in when i was like 7 or so. aww... problem is...i can't read it because i can't open it. i lost the key.
after a few hours i got tired (ok i was too lazy to go on). so i went online again. 
they're so mean! maybe because usually i have crushes on perfect beauties like brian molko and he goes into that direction but isn't quite there yet. *lol*
well, i don't care that much. actually he isn't even a real crush. i don't know him personally. he lives far away from me. he doesn't even know i exist. i just know his name, what he looks like and some basic facts. and i see him on the net sometimes. i like the way he talks (or writes) and stuff. that's it. ok, so i go all crazy about him all the time and act like a teenager (which i actually still am...for another year) but that's just for fun, really. i need to freak out from time to time. i can't do that with placebo because i luv and respect them way too much and i take them too serious to be like that (tho my friends and i have our moments 
) so i looked for a new little obsession i can go wild about. it doesn't hurt anyone.
tonite was one of 'those' nites again. when i look at his pix and get all gigglish and stuff. i really can't believe myself. it's scary!
but then again...i've been scaring myself anyway. i've been laughing and making jokes all the time so it's not just about him.
liebling
xxx
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