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confused and racked with self-doubt
2001-12-26
may i say something? i HATE the sims!!!!!
ok, actually i'm addicted to it and that's part of the reason why i hate it. it keeps you up all night. and when you finally grow tired of playing you find out that there's a way of making your own and you spend the whole night lying in bed making up plans how to do it and what happens? NUFFING! absofuckinglutely nuffing. simply because they give you tutorials with their stupid editors but they're completely incomplete. they tell you that you can make your own sims but in the end only tell you how to change those pre-made sims that come with the editor! HMPF!
i downloaded some cool skins, that's true. i've got placebo skins and on the same site they had a skin with green hair. i have no idea who he's supposed to be but i used him for one of my own characters and he's cute. actually he has the best house in the neighbourhood apart from cebo.
oh, did i mention i got the hot date add-on for christmas? you probably figured something like that cos i haven't updated yesterday. hehehehe! bet you liked that :p
but the game's so damn cool. now they can shag just about EVERYWHERE! i've made them their own love-room because let's face it...there are 3 cebo members who're all in love with each other and whenever two of them are 'busy' the other gets all jealous and stuff. so now they can go there and have some fun (yey) and the other can read a book or something and noone gets hurt (litterally). don't you just luv the love-bubble bath??? they can do soooo so so so cuuuteee things in there :)
i bet you're wondering why i keep babbling about that stupid game, eh? well...there's a simple reason for that: the other things going on in my life aren't so shiny these days and at the moment i'm not in the mood for some soul-cleaning rant about all the misery around me. *rotfl* i know that's what a diary's there for but...i really have to be in the mood for that and i'm sooo not right now. aprt from that i've never felt better after letting it all out. usually i'm rather regretting it for some sick reason. like i should really keep that stuff to myself and get over it like everyone else. not that i'm afraid that the involved persons might read this. even if they had the knowledge to go online they'd never be able to take the next step and get here and actually READ the ENGLISH text. but still...it makes me feel weak to let go of all those things i have in my mind. stupid, i know...but hey, that's me! or maybe i've just never met the right person to listen. well, actually i dunno who's reading this (and maybe that's not even a bad thing...i dunno) but...ah, you know what i mean...someone to really listen.
my friends are amazing! they really try so hard! and i know they luv me and they care about me and stuff. it's just...whenever i try to tell them what's going on they nod and they agree and stuff but still i can see they're not really understanding me. can't blame them, not even I know what's going on with me. it's hard to put into words...naturally. i mean, they're feelings and if feelings were supposed to be spoken (or written) they'd be no feelings but thoughts, right?
lately someone told me that what i need is love, a relationship, a boifriend/girlfriend. i dunno if they're right. i mean...sure, i've had relationships before even tho just one of them was what you usually call a boifriend. i'm calling the others like that because i doubt that there's any suitable word for it in the english (or german for that matter) language. so i know what it feels like and i know how it works and all but somehow it's not what i think it's missing in my life. in fact i think it's pretty much the opposite. actually i don't need that at all at the moment because having a relationship means sharing your life with someone and how can i share something i'm not even really sure of myself?
*sigh* yeah, well...that was pretty much what's going on in my head at the moment. try to make whatever you want of it. *lol* it's just a lot of trash, i would say, and probably the usual stuff a person of my age should be thinking about. probably i'm just a little drama queen...making a huge tragedy of everydays life's problems. *grins*
oh btw...the brian molko thingie down there...yes, i'm aware that it's silly and that's why the even sillier explanations there, too. don't hate me for that, please :)
mwah!
:::liebling:::
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