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too bored to be nice
2004-04-24
i am so simple and so pathetic. a while ago, i overheard a conversation between two of my co-workers. they were discussing what was on a CD one of them had got from a friend. and the other one said "as long as it's hip hop and not some other crap." and you know what? there are so many things i don't like about my co-workers, so many reasons why we won't ever become friends but most of them i won't remember soon. but this really stuck with me. as soon as it's about music, i will remember everything. if she'd insulted me personally, it would have been half as bad. which is ridiculous.
one thing that's been annoying me lately is that you can't run around with your mood being immediately visible (also through the internet) to everyone. ok, you have those imood indicators but you can't put them on your msn or whatever. and in any case, it should be more of a psychic thing. like...as soon as people see you or your screen name, they should immediately know how you're feeling and in what way they should approach you. that would be a good thing. i know i've been having quite a few awkward conversations with people lately. because they came up to me all happy and smile to talk about something they were terribly happy about and i was just down and not really able to keep up cheery conversations. i know, clever people are gonna say that i could have told them. but that'll never work with me. i'll never tell people how i feel just like this. never. and i don't even want to analyze my reasons now. it could be because i don't want to bother them. or because i don't think they'd care. but does it matter? it's one of those things that are just facts. it's like buying furniture from ikea and reading the instructions. you don't ask why this screw has to be used with that part. you just don't. because reasons don't matter. there won't be a call from some swedish dude to explain you exactly why he wanted it to be that way and even if he did bother, he wouldn't come around to change it for you. and it's the same with me and my mood. except that i doubt it's some swedish dude who gets to decide what and how i feel. that would be disturbing.
today i noticed how silly spam-mail really is. not only does it fill up your mailbox but it's also even more useless when you're female. really, it's all directed at guys. penis enlargement, viagra, porn... kind of makes you wonder what that says about guys' intelligence. i mean, there must be a reason for this. maybe a study that said only guys are stupid enough to read their spam and actually react to it by ordering things.
you might have noticed it already: i'm bored. i should really start to do something with my life. i hate to admit it but today i selfishly thought how cool it would be if maja lived closer to me. i hated the thought because of two reasons:
especially because i'm not any better. i just saw one of those rnb-people on tv and thought "fuck, that's horrible!"
1. she mentioned it before and now it just feels like i'm saying it because i'm nice.
2. in this case it was a really selfish thought. i didn't think "i want my best friend to be here" but i thought "i want her to leave here, so i have someone to do things with". i can't help it. i was too bored to be nice today.
die goldenen zitronen - das bi�chen totschlag