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"shit! fuck! dammit! ARGH!"
2004-11-22
i'm so fucking nervous and scared and anxious and panicking and whatever. i fucking hate exams. of all sorts. but this one is so important and the problem is...it's beyond my control more or less. if i knew i suck at this and that, i could do something about it but i'm not even sure what exactly i suck at. i'm not even sure if i suck at all. i totally don't know what to expect, what to concentrate on while studying or whatever. and the exam's on wednesday.
it annoys me so much that i still have to go to school tomorrow. today was bad enough. i know the teachers are trying to be helpful and answer as many questions as possible. but all they manage to do is to drive me insane. one teacher says we needn't study anymore because what we don't know now, we won't get into our heads til wednesday, either. the next says we should study as much as possible and ask loads of questions and whatever. the calm and mature me would say "dude, shut the fuck up. only i know what's the best way for me." but the calm and mature me is buried under a shitload of panic and fear and all my brain is doing is going all "shit! fuck! dammit! ARGH!" at me. *sigh* i need to calm down. otherwise i'll fuck it up out of pure nervousness. i'm trying everything, really. tea, lots of sleep, banning anyone that might cause me to crack. but it's no use. dammit.
ah, i'm better back to studying now. i *MUST* pass this. must. must. must.
ps: damn i was so busy i even missed davey's bday. aww. well, happy birthday, mr i'm-too-busy-recording-the-new-album-and-doing-all-sorts-of-other-crap-to-come-to-germany-and-make-my-favourite-fan-happy! :]
donots - worlds collide