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half of the lies you tell ain't true
2002-02-16
hmmm...i feel useless. really really useless, i mean. today's been just so boring. i had absolutely nothing to do. ok, so i had some things to do, of course, but they were so utterly boring and unimportant that they're not even worth being mentioned here (of course, i'll do that anyway, but...)
ok, first, of course, i had to get up sooo early again (7am) to actually catch the bloody bus and go to work. and as usual it turned out that that was completely unnecessary because once again they needed me as much as the flu. i was just sitting around and occasionally given some totally unimportant work that probably doesn't even have to be done at all. peeling the little cathegory stickers off books and stuff. considering that those books will be thrown away afterwards anyway, i've probably done something of the importance of watching paint dry. and the worst thing is...my fingers hurt like hell now! when i press the nail of my thumb i could scream. and this'll go on for another week. but at least they said i didn't need to come tomorrow. of course, that's good cos working on a saturday is just cruel and inhumen but then again...really makes you feel useless.
well, eventually we got home (which still amazes me) and i went on with doing the great things i was born to do.
you know...the importance of the things i say and do and think about never ceases to amaze me. here i am at 1.30am, sitting in front of my comp, not only THINKING about things like the smoking habits of my mom but actually writing them down...not only for myself but for the whole world to read. (not that i'd think the whole world would be interested in my diary but they COULD read it if they wanted to and that's the point) it's unbelievable! you know, i had a chat with a friend earlier and i told her that stefan olsdal (placebo's bass player and sex god) once bought a really old bass that he can't even play properly because it's so old and that it was really expensive. and you know...the silly point about it is that she doesn't even care about placebo THAT much and she didn't even ask for a piece of info like that. she didn't even MENTION placebo or instruments or whatever. i just burst out with it like it was the most important news in the world and i'd expected a nobel prize for knowing and telling. now, if that isn't a great sign of how sad my life is... i mean, honestly, these are the things i have on my mind. not that i'd be thinking about them all the time, but that's only because they're facts that don't need to be thought about. but isn't it bad enough that i actually memorized stuff like that? it's not even placebo fan trivia. it's just something you read somewhere in interviews. stuff that surrounds the actual worth-to-know-facts that you read and maybe even notice but nothing you should remember. and i mean, this was only an example. and it was only an example from the many placebo-facts. there are other cathegories, too. for example i still remember the birthdays of all take that members. and i remember that gary barlow had cocker spaniels named pete and oliver and when he moved out with his parents he got two german shepherds named jess and tim. and i still remember how they've shown how nut crackers are made on telly. and how the stripes get into the toothpaste. am i not sad? not to mention all the late 80's-early 90's music vids i still remember though noone really cared about the songs/people.
also i seem to have missed out on something really important. i never cared about valentines day much but it's weird how i missed out on all the changes. apparently noone knows 'valentines' anymore but everyone refers to it as 'vday'. and apparently in germany they've gone a step further because now the v seems to stand for vagina. i swear. they said so on telly. 'vagina day' hmph! there were even theater plays about a woman who talks to her vagina and stuff. i have no idea what's going on but it scares me. i talk to a lot of things (toothbrushes, socks, pencils, etc...) but that goes too far. 'vagina day'... *shakes head*
i think it's time for me to go to bed. it's almost 2am. i have to get up at 8am cos at 10am the painters will get here to do my room. that actually means that i'll find out if saturday mornings actually exist. i guess if between 5am and 2pm on saturdays the world went all black or snowy like a tv screen at night when the channels closed til morning i wouldn't even know. i don't think i've ever been up on a saturday morning. maybe when i was a kid. but i don't remember that and knows...maybe things have changed drastically within the past 12 years or so. maybe god's power bill got too high and he decided since noone's ever up on saturday mornings it's only a waste of power to have that image of a world up all the time and he pulls that plug at that time...
stay beautiful!
afterwards i had to do greatly amazing things like grocery shopping with my mom. there was no way of getting around that because she picked me up from work. once again i got yelled at for 'rushing her'. i mean...c'mon...why does she have to stand in front of the catfood-shelf for 5 minutes? even IF the cat only eats certain things...the ingredients of the catfood are printed on the cans so she only has to read them (one would think that after two years of buying food for that cat she'd be able to tell the difference by the colours but noooooo). and even IF they don't have what she's looking for it won't suddenly appear due to some magically change in the substance of the universe or whatever just because she keeps staring at it. and btw...she did the same game in front of the yoghurt-shelf and in the vegetables-section.
is it really that surprising that after 8 hours of sitting on a chair that's been made to cause backache and peeling of stupid stickers of books i just wanna get over with the silly grocery shopping and go home to take a nap or whatever? (gawwd, i sound like my mom!)
i watched all the silly soaps and sitcoms and actually fell asleep about 5 minutes before the simpsons were on which was actually the only show i wanted to see and the only reason why i had spent the past hours watching the other crap.
now, one would think sleep's a good way to relax but not on this sofa and not in this house. every few minutes my mom or the cat would make some weird noise that would wake me up. when i had finally managed to really fall asleep the phone rang and when i had relaxed again my grandfather waltzed in. and during the few minutes i actually slept my mom was sitting right next to me smoking like a lunatic which ALWAYS causes me a headache when i'm sleeping. she knows that but whenever i complain about it she's like 'you could sleep in your room'. but that's the POINT, goddammit. i don't intend to sleep anyway. i'm just lying on the sofa watching telly and if i get tired i sleep a little. if i'd get up to walk into my room then i'd be all up again and couldn't sleep anyway. and the tv's an important role in it because that's what sends me to sleep. if she'd buy me a tv and vcr for my room there'd be no problem! gawwd, can't she go 2 or 3 hours without smoking, for elvis' sake?
SEE? SEE???? anuver brilliant example of what scary shit is going on in my head!!!! i think i really need sleep now.
:::liebling:::
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