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sucks to be you
2002-05-14
gawd, i am so goddamn pissed off, today. i just hate the whole world. i can't remember that i've ever been that angry...ever. without having a reason, i mean. well, no, not completely without a reason. actually, i have many reasons.
also, i already feel like everybody thinks i'm a loser. i mean, if you're told 'aww, you're gonna make it' or 'you have a really pretty face' once, it's nice and makes me feel good. but if people repeat stuff like that over and over and over again like a mantra it just seems like they were gonna say 'yeah, you know, you're a fat ugly loser and you're never gonna find a job but i feel sorry for you and i'm not a badass, so i'll try to cheer you up by saying the things you probably wanna hear from me, now'. it's not that i want everyone to tell me how much i suck but i don't want them to lie into my face all the time, either. if they think i'm not gonna make it they can either shut up or tell me how to do better or just tell me to fucking stop trying.
another thing that annoyed me beyong recognition today was britney spears. well, her and her silly popstar boyfriend. i mean, for two goddamn months the world's raving on about their relationship and if her tits are fake and if she's a virgin and blaaaaa. seriously, what do i care? she's just another teenystar. no one cares if she fucked a whole football team or whatever. yet, it's THE big thing on telly, everyday. i mean, people are getting PAID for finding out if her tits are fake or not. i was just sitting in front of my telly watching the mtv news and i thought about how many people actually get money for such a story. first, there's someone who brings the whole idea up and gets paid for it. then, there are people who research the whole thing more closely (whatever that means) and then there are the tv/magazine people who publicizethe whole thing and get paid for that, too. and if the shit hits the fan, they also pay a doctor or something to have a look at pics and give his 'professional' opinion about it. (which is usually something like 'yeah, it could be true because... but then again they could also be real because here you can see... so, i can't give a proper answer.') so, do you know that all in all there's more money paid to discuss a popstars tits in public than i will ever have???
oh well, i wish i could give you some news about my friend and stuff now. but i can't. all i can say is that i read maja's diary today and that i am pretty pissed off about something in there. but i don't wanna bitch on about it now because i haven't talked to her about it yet and that would be unfair. but i can't call her, either because right now i am way too mad and i don't wanna start a fight. i bet if she reads this she'll know what i mean, anyway. but still...
stay beautiful!
first of all, i can't believe people actually make a big fuss and rush to have a look if something bad happens to someone else but so don't give a shit when another person is down. and what about nature? gawd, i hate nature! i mean, how dare the bloody rain to just silently piss down as if nothing happened when i'm totally depressed and have no clue what i should do with my life? seriously, i hate that. the bloody red house on the other side of the street is still standing there. and the fucking birds outside are singing! WHY??? does noone give a shit about ME?
ok, i may be exaggerating but it was really annoying me the whole day. and my mom is the queen of the annoying ignorant things in my life. i mean, it is MAY and most apprenticeships start in august/september. almost everyone else in my class has found one, already. what does that tell her? isn't it about time to get slightly...uhm...well...NERVOUS?? don't i have the bloody right to worry and think of possible other ways to waste my time after my finals? nooooo, of course not! how dare i? 'it's only may. of course, you'll find something.' ok,it is nice that she believes in me and actually, i demand it because she's my mother and all. but she should maybe start HELPING me instead of just shutting her eyes from all bad things. it is a FACT that i'm pretty late with the whole thing and there's a huge chance i won't have an apprenticeship by august/september.
and if you think a bit further...what IF we ever found out the truth? what would happen? would the governments of all the countries in the world go like 'hooray! britney spears' tits aren't fake. let's stop the war and live in peace'? or would teenagers around the world say 'hmm...amazing! just two minutes ago i was gonna get my pumpgun out and shoot my family. but now that i know britney's tits are real, i'll go and play with my toys.'? or what? *rollseyes* and even if you think in smaller dimensions...would it change the life of a single person. the only change it might make is that some people would lose their job because there's no need to research for that story, anymore. which would be a negative change. which proves my point. and before i'll be presented with a flood of comments (haha, as if...) from people about how teenage girls would better about being themselves then....nope, not true. because they'd still want to be like her. just with real breasts but still blond and thin and in glamour clothes and whatever. there you go.
ok, i'm an awful hypocrite. i just wrote a whole paragraph about that topic. and said paragraph is just as boring and meaningless as the news about that...'thing'. oh well, so sue me!
anyway, gotta go and call sabrina, now. we both wanna skip school tomorrow (got told the missed lessons won't show up on the report, this year today) and she wanted to check if jenny's coming. if she isn't, we're going because then, it is alright. :)
liebling
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