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me and my valuable friends
2002-05-12
alright. i guess i'm more in the mood for a proper entry, now. the thing is that i'm feeling a little weird friendship-wise at the moment. i don't quite know how to feel about it. there's this up and down thing. whenever i think something's wrong and i thought about it for a while and i'm happy to confront the involved person about it, they say or do something that makes me feel like a complete moron for thinking something might be wrong. everything seems to be perfectly fine, again. and as soon as i'm all calm and content, again, they behave so...well...hostile, again.
well, i guess that paragraph pretty much described my emotional probs. and i guess it also gives a good clue about why i'm not too keen about writing about them, here. i just hope none of the people mentioned above is gonna give me hell about it, now. i don't think i made any negative mentions, did i?
the good news are: i finally finished the 2nd harry potter book. hooray! aaaand i won level two of gta2. ok ok, big deal, i know. but i'm happy because it really hasn't been an exciting day and it's quite cool that i managed to get something good out of it, anyway.
stay beautiful!
on the one side, there's maja who i always thought things were fine with and apparently, they are. lately, i'm feeling a little insecure about our friendship, though. because everything i do might be misunderstood by her. i always knew she's very emotional about things but i always chose to be myself anyway. but lately, i can't really do that anymore because everything i say and do seems to hurt her. like, i don't answer my mobile because i'm busy and she thinks i'm intentionally ignoring her. or i say her crushes are not my type and she takes it personally. which sucks because this makes being honest awfully hard for me. ok, in the last two days we talked about it and i'm sure i made her see that i would not pretend to be something i'm not or think about the things i say five times to make sure she won't be hurt. and she told me about her problems and i think things are a bit better, now. and this time i hope my feeling's right.
then, there is mariam who's a walking mystery to me. really, i never exactly know what things are like with her. i just find it very hard to find out if she wants to talk about things or not. i know and see she has problems but it's hard to decide if i confront her about them or just leave her alone. i don't think i could help her much with any of her problems, anyway. but i could listen. i just never know when she wants me to listen. she never quite says what she wants, either. she mentions things and gives me clues but i never really know what to make of them. she's also quite similar to me and kind of has pretty much the same problems as me when i was at her age. and since i never knew how to get myself out of them, i dunno what to tell her, either. tho, i don't think it's about solving problems and stuff, anyway. it's all about talking, really. i think there's still a lot of thinking to do for me.
i also decided that i am gonna take the two (or three) hamsters from sabrina. i decided that i really want them and think they're awfully cute and somehow two pets aren't enough for me. well, actually i only have one because the cat isn't mine and i don't want him to be mine, either. richey, my rabbit, is no fun at the moment, tho. well, ok, he is but touching him is awful. he's losing hair like a madrabbit. it's never been THAT bad with him. he just hopped into my lap, this afternoon, and i immediately looked like i was his twin with all the grey fur and stuff. so, i only let him hop around without touching him and all. hairy stuff, man!
anyway, back to gta, now.
liebling
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