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just a little crush
2004-09-13
i know i'm not updating much lately. i'm not feeling like it. or actually i am. i'm constantly "writing" long and deep entries in my head but i never actually write them here. i don't know why. maybe because they don't make sense. they do while i'm thinking about them but half an hour later i can't remember why i felt like that anymore. i have horrible mood swings lately. not the usual ones where i freak out occasionally and that's it. i don't even think people around me really notice as it's not so much moods but more...thoughts. and it doesn't affect my behaviour around people much, either. i'm constantly joking around with annette at school, so it's really not so bad. but then again...i never said it's bad. it's just confusing because i don't know how much of that is me and how much is just temporary blabla going on in my head.
anyway...
i finally decided i'm not going to jacqueline's wedding. after being given some background information i don't think it's worth it anymore. for one, i don't think we'll be friends in the future. come to think of it, we're not even friends now. i don't think it's worth it to give other things up for it. (other things as in meeting maja for what could be the last time this year and seeing one of my favourite bands for what could be the last time ever) i'm just really determined to make the best out of my life from now on and wasting them with things that have no meaning to me at all just doesn't seem right.
i feel kinda bad. i did something i promised myself i'd never do. i signed up with myspace. *blushes furiously* what can i say? i was bored, no one was online, i had nothing else to do... *sigh* if you really feel the need, you can check out my profile there but i haven't done much to it and i don't know if i ever will. i haven't even uploaded any pics so far cos they're somewhere on a CD round here. i guess i just like signing up for stuff. i don't even know how many things i've signed up for so far. i only hang out on those sites every once in a while and then get bored. whatever.
i think i might have a teeny premature crush on one of my class mates. it's nothing really, i just think he's a funny dude. not even cute or anything. but it annoys me because he's basically sitting right in front of me but kind of...with his face partly turned to me. so sometimes, it can't be avoided that he looks at me and when that happens, i blush like an idiot. crap!
edit: go check out bleed the ink. they rock!
the only reason i wanted to go there in the first place was that it seemed like such a big deal to her and she obviously wants me there. well, it should be a big deal to her. it's her wedding, for the king's sake! despite what weddings have become in our society, i still think if people decide that's what they wanna do, they should make the best of it. but lately, i was told that she did cheat on her fianc�e after all (i really thought she did get a grip of herself in the end) and he proposed to her shortly after being told about her little "escapade", which seems like he was getting desperate. and on the phone, she kept whining about how this was gonna be crap because he's not really paying much attention to all the planning and all. and she didn't seem too bothered, either. kinda like she was planning a birthday party. so, after all this i've come to the conclusion that maybe this is not as big a thing as it should be and there might even be total drama. mind you, i'd definitely enjoy "the show" but i think in the end, plan B is more important to me. also, i'm kinda looking forward to the roadtrip. i decided i'll be going by car again which will give me loads of time to think. i really really liked driving to and from munich the last time, despite nearly ending up in austria or italy or whatever it was.
donots - goodbye routine