Home
Archives
Profile
Book
Notes
Mail
Cast
Misc
Rings
Host
i waste my time
2004-04-13
how am i ever gonna survive the rest of the week? today was so incredibly boring. usually, it's boring but at least we have a plan for the week, so there is something i *should* do. now we have no plans. there are random things that need to be done but no one cares who does them or if they get done or whatever. so we're mostly sitting around. today, i spent about three hours using a training program for a pc program i'll probably never get to use anyway. it bored me to death and afterwards, my brain was swimming around in my head but at least i could say i had done something. but that was pretty much all i've done. well, and i went to get one of those flipchart holders from the other room. can someone say busy? dunno, it just bothers me when i get up early to sit around doing nothing. not that i would have made use of the time had i been at home. but i would have been at home and that would have been less boring. or at least i would have slept longer and that generally means that i can put up with things way better.
probably, i was just grumpy the whole day because i didn't sleep very well. it was one of those nights where you wake up every few minutes with no apparent reason and it seems like you're just rolling around in bed a few minutes and then you have to get up again.
ok, so i'm rambling. maybe it's more interesting for you to hear that the highlight of my day (apart from 2hrs of sex and the city) was to find out there are two new flavours of fanta. blood orange and passion fruit (or was it grape fruit?). i haven't tried them, yet, but i've bought a bottle of each. new fanta/coke flavours usually excite me. how sad is that?
right. i'm off to bed now. hoping i won't be dead to the world tomorrow morning because if that happens, i manage to not hear both, my mobile alarm and my alarm clock.
do you ever get the feeling that the world's just unfair and doesn't even try to understand you? it happens to me each time i haven't slept very well. i think about calling in sick at work, telling them i didn't sleep well and i just keep telling myself that they have to understand that it is so obviously impossible for me to go to work that day and that i need to sleep through the day. but then my brain sets in and tells me that this will never count as an excuse. but somehow, i'll never quite accept that. i mean, i get that you can use it as an excuse and that the world would end up in huge trouble if that was possible but somehow, i still think they *must* understand.
apart from that, i'm once again in my "what am i gonna do with my life?"-phase. while you're sitting at work doing nothing you just end up thinking about such things. wondering what the hell you're doing and why you're there and why you're not doing what you want to do. and then you realise you don't know what you want to do and that only depresses you more. yesterday, i told mich that my apprenticeship is just a cover-up thing to not seem like a total fuck-up. and today i just realised how true it is. the only reason why i'm doing what i'm doing is because i don't know what else to do. but at the same time, i have about a million things in my head that i would like to do. last week, annette and i were looking for jobs we could possibly apply for on the net and i realised that none of the jobs i qualify for seem interesting to me and i'm not good enough for all the jobs i'd want.
beigeGT - heat