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i am sorry...really sorry...
2003-01-13
ok, i think my last entry was a little confusing and even though it's only a little later, i spent the whole time thinking and i'd like to add a little bit...i know it's gonna be crap and whiny and too melancholic but who cares?!
first of all i'd like to say sorry to my friends for being such a bad friend. i want to apologize for always expecting too much, things i can't even give myself. i'm sorry for being jealous and envious and upsetting you so often. i truly am sorry.
there are so many others who deserve an apology from me but i think that's enough now. i've mentioned the most important people. i hope.
ps: before i get any more similar questions...this has nothing to do with the placebo gig. no, anyone just randomly promising to join me won't fix everything and i am NOT ony upset because of this.
i also want to apologize for being such an awful daughter. of course, i'd mostly like to say sorry to my mom as she's always there for me. i am 20 and she really didn't need to do so much for me, yet she does. and even though i am too much of a bitch to admit it most of the time, i am more than thankful for that. but my dad deserves an apology, too. ok, we're not alright at the moment but maybe he'd love me if i was a better daughter.
and i think i should also say sorry to all the people at the online communities i am a member of. i am probably the most terrible, anti-social member ever. i am sorry for sounding like an egomaniac in so many of my posts.
i know i suck and you have no idea how often i just wanna end it all. i want to break up with people, kill myself, whatever. just do anything to end this for all of us. but i can't. i am unable to do so and i want you to forgive me for that.
i'd like you all to know that i am not just writing this. i've really thought about it a lot now and this is precisely what i felt i had to say. i am not trying to get anyone's attention with this and i don't want you all to contact me and whatever. i just wanted to say it and i did.
placebo - lady of the flowers