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missing someone you shouldn't miss
2004-07-12
you know the feeling when you're waiting for someone and you know they won't come? that's what i feel like right now. no, i won't tell who it is and it wouldn't make sense anyway as i've never mentioned him before, so people wouldn't know who it is, either. i haven't known him for long and i've never really had a reason to write about him here. he was just one of the people that manage to make me smile. nothing serious, no crush. i don't know him well enough for anything like that. but at the moment he's not available and i noticed how much i miss him which i really shouldn't. it's so against my nature to miss someone who has such a small role in my life. usually, i don't even tend to miss friends. only if i don't get to see/talk to them for days or weeks. i have my moments when i'm really longing for a certain person, wanting to talk to them very badly but generally, i can do with circumstances making it impossible to see someone.
also, i'm all miffed up because of annette. i don't really know how to behave around her anymore. last friday, i was 100% sure that something was horribly wrong between us. her, melanie and me (usually alex, too, but she's not at work atm, so there's no point in including her for now) have kind of our personal 'mailing list' at work meaning we communicate via e-mail by always clicking 'reply all'. usually, annette is the first one to send a mail because she's the first one at work. so, when i get there (after falling out of bed and rushing to work), i usually have a few mails in my inbox. and we all know how much of a morning hater i am. so, my first few mails tend to be a little negative and over-sarcastic. but everyone knows that. i mean, people just know they won't get a positive answer if they ask me how i am in the morning. so, on friday, i gave my usual "can someone shoot me, please?" and she seemed all annoyed going all like "so, what is it this time?" which pissed me off because she knows what i'm like and she knows it's just my morning mood. and then a few more things happened. first, i remembered that i had a missed call the day before and i didn't know the number. so i asked them if they knew it and annette said it was her number. well, hello?! i didn't even know she had a new number. she was all like "oh, didn't i tell you?" and melanie kept saying stupid things like "well, I knew the new number!" and i just wanted to run over and punch her.
yeah, so...that is today's tragedy. the good news is that i only need to work tomorrow and from tuesday on i shall have the rest of the week off. and the week after that, i can start only working 4 days a week, so that's a good thing.
also, i found out that i can actually park in front of the building at work. so yeah, you're not allowed to park there for long but no one ever controls it, anyway. and if they do, i can see it because i can see the street from my window. so, i can run out and quickly park the car elsewhere. the main reason for taking this risk is that i noticed (and yes, i know i'm silly for not noticing earlier) that the place is only about half an hour away from my home which means i can sleep a little longer and that's important.
alright...i'm off to bed now for my last day at work for this week. and you know what? i'm more or less looking forward to it because within one week, they've managed to let me take up more responsibility than i had in any departments of my apprenticeship before. whoa. shocking, i know.
this time, however, i just want that person to return. damn, why can't he just come back? :(
and then, annette kept talking about her new 'crush'. and probably, she was a bit annoyed because i wouldn't comment on it. it's a similar case to what maja and me once had. the details i know just make me think it's not a good thing. there are several things which make it seem like there can't be anything good out of it. mind you, i could be wrong but for now, it keeps me from being all yay-ish about it and instead of pointing out the bad things (which i did with maja and was obviously not right), i decided to better not comment on it. so, she seemed all pissed off about it.
well, we talked on msn a few minutes ago and i actually decided to show some interest (even if it's fake-positive) and that didn't seem right, either. *confused*
and other good news is that i ordered in ipod mini. it's pink and has 'a fire inside' lasered on its back. how cute. but it won't arrive for another 4 weeks.
lost prophets - last train home