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do i look stupid?
2003-06-12
hooray for annette! she got her license today. she was so nervous, i was almost scared. see, i mean, it's natural to be nervous in such a situation but i've never seen her like that. usually she's always cool and convinced she can make it cos she always studies very hard and i guess that gives you a lot of confidence. but today she was sure she'd fail and everyone had to keep telling her that she'd be doing fine.
the day has been a bit confusing. i was feeling ok but partly pretty depressed. probably because no one was there i could have talked to and i noticed that i'd be a pretty lonely and unhappy girl if annette, alex and melanie weren't in my group. it wasn't that bad. i wasn't feeling suicidal or crap like that. i just distracted myself. but i found it confusing that people thought i was happy. because inside i was screaming and outside i was smiling politely. because most people i just don't want to know how i am. they wouldn't care anyway. and they'd just talk behind my back or something.
ah, i have to go and se if i can work on that template idea i have in my head....
so what else did i do? nothing. i came home and hung around until i remembered that we'll have a breakfast at work tomorrow and i still had to get some things for that. so i actually went out and got the things plus a few other things i needed myself. and boy, are the shops annoying around 7pm. especially our huge store. there were loads of people trying to sell me strange things or offer food samples and shit. and i basically just wanted to rush in, get my stuff and go home again. but noooo... in the end i think i was pretty harsh, but hey, three guys tried to get me to buy something when i went in, when i came out again AND when i was bringing back my shopping cart. basically they're lucky i had nothing to throw at them.
also, i feel like they're taking the mickey out of me a little. i had my presentation about my shop today and really, technically i didn't put any effort into it at all. no pics, no nothing...because of 'technical problems' (aka, i couldn't be bothered). i didn't write much in it but just names and i basically talked myself through the whole thing. i sent it to my work addy yesterday without having looked at it again which meant today i had no clue what i had put in it weeks ago. so i was constantly glancing at the screen trying to figure out where we were. and i talked and stuttered and mumbled and i was boring myself to death. and i thought i'd get it for sure for being such a lazy butt and all. i mean, my presentation (the file as well as the talking bit) was the worst by far. and what happened? my group leader went all 'ooohhh, you did so well and i liked it so much and you told us so many interesting things. blabla.' i mean, if i just stand in front of them for 5 minutes saying nothing at all, will i still get such a good result? i mean, in a way i can't complain. but then again it's also frustrating cos you know that hard work won't be rewarded, anyway...
placebo - where is my mind?