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have some money for an unemployed slacker?
2003-08-09
i have to enjoy this weekend as much as possible. afterwards i might hate my life enough to kill myself straight away. after all, i could be unemployed by tuesday.
"why?" i hear you ask and i know you're just asking to be polite and because you know i'll tell you anyway.
so, let's recall last week to make you see the full silliness of the whole affair:
monday - first day at the new place. not done much. been led around.
tuesday - first day at reception. got introduced to people there. not much happening.
wednesday - been sick.
thursday - another day at home because of illness
friday - second day. got a call at 9am telling me about the meeting on monday.
this tells us that after ONE DAY they complained. because monday doesn't count and i didn't even really work with anyone then. so the only people who can have complained are the reception girls which is a fucking disgrace because i could complain about so much regarding the way they treated me, too, but i didn't because you don't just do that after the first time you've met someone.
i am generally pissed off now because no one even tried talking to ME. and i'm so gonna mention that at the meeting. and i am not gonna let them tell me anything. actually, i am pretty determined not to let them put me down this time. simply because the way they handled this doesn't really allow them to criticise me at all. it must be something to do with my social behaviour. and how can they criticise that if they're not even able to sit down with me in a civilised way to talk about any problems they might see?
hell, i get way too worked up over this. on friday, i nearly had a nervous breakdown at work. afterwards i cried in my car for a bit. but then i told my mum and annette and they both said they were out of order for handling things this way and kind of made me see that i had every right to be angry so i got angry. now that i'm writing this, i get a little angry, again. but basically i'm just sad because it's so disappointing that people will never accept me the way i am. because since there were no obvious problems it must be something i do subconsciously. therefore it's part of the way i am and i fucking hate being criticised and even brought in trouble for this.
*sigh* am i allowed to say i hate myself and i want to die now?
gawd, i need to concentrate on the good things. seeing placebo again and AFI for the first time. hm...yes, that's a good thought but i'm still shitting myself because of the meeting.
ah, i'll go play sims to call myself down now...
well, i have a meeting with the big boss on monday at 8. "why?" you're asking again. and "i don't know" i have to answer. because i really don't know. i was told that apparently there were some problems with my fellow workers. and that tells me as much as a minute full of silence.
this, again, means that if they insist on everything being my fault, i'll give up on the whole job. yes, i need it. yes, i bloody need the fucking certificate. but i am not gonna pay any price for it, sorry.
AFI - now the world