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half-way back on the track
2005-02-23
i'm going insane. it's only one week left but it feels like the worst week of my life. i've become complately lifeless. i haven't called anyone in ages. ok, that's not true. i called annette today. but only because she complained to me yesterday. and it takes a lot to make her do that as usually, she doesn't get really get bothered too easily. i haven't spoken to maja since i came home from munich. my online conversations are usually limited to some pathetic polite lines. no human contact, so to speak.
well, that's not completely true, either. remember the girl from the AFI forum i wrote about in another entry? the one who asked me about my car? well, thought saw, you careless suckers. ah well - reminder!
a really bad thing has happened. i spent the last week having some sort of "routine". that routine was:
10 pm - 12 am: watch giga games/e-sports
so far so good. but now they ruined it all by changing the music videos. no MCR, no slut, no mildly interesting replacement. this means, i am taskless between 2 and 3 am. which again means that i get stupid ideas at that time which either make me doubt my sanity (uhm...) or end up and bigger projects which then lead to me missing the reruns of giga games/e-sports which sucks. like, last night, i actually watched the audio-comment of "traumschiff surprise" (an audio-comment, for you poor DVD-deprived individuals, is basically the movie but without the usual dialogues/sounds but with some people who were involved with the making of the movie explaining things and telling entertaining anecdotes). this has got to be one of the most boring things ever. it's funny for about half an hour, but then you just grow tired of it. but i went through with it. and ended up being in hysterics about that very last scene. german people who have seen the movie, will know what i mean. the one after the actual movie in which they're eating cake. now, this scene has always amused me endlessly but in the audio-comment, they mention the guy in the back. i never paid attention to him but this time i did and it had me laughing on the floor cos he's really...trying so hard to be camp and all. *cries laughing again*
also, i'm trying to get back to the weight watchers thing. i've been doing it very hald-heartedly lately, which, of course, wasn't very successful. we bought loads of healthy food today and i re-discovered my love for kiwis and muesli. and mineral water, which is an on and off thing with me. the plan is to lose as much weight as possible until AFI come on tour. why? well, i simply need some type of goal and i'm not good at using a certain weight i want to reach as my goal as that seems a bit...fictional to me. it's only numbers. also, i want to really really enjoy myself when i finally get to see them and that is always easier when you at least like yourself or are happy with what you achieved or whatever. it's just my personal step stone which is supposed to encourage me. i still felt weird walking past the candy shelves at the supermarket with two bottles of water in my hands. haha, hm.
anyway, she's really really sweet and we've been writing long, interesting emails since then. so i think, she can proudly say she's the only human being who actually gets some sort of conversation out of me at the moment. ok, she's also the only person who seriously tried but that is a completely different story.
12 am - 2 am: watch and make fun of silly call in-astrology show
2 am - 3 am: watch music videos on NBC including my chemical romance's "i'm not ok" followed by slut's "why pourquoi" at around 3.30
3 am - 5 am: watch rerun of giga games/e-sports
travis - tied to the 90's