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hate yourself
2003-06-19
what's wrong with me? why can't i stop being so depressed? why can't i cheer up? why am i shaking when i'm not cold? why don't they love me?
i fucked things up. badly. right now, i don't even know what those things are. but i did fuck them up. must have as nothing feels right anymore. i keep hurting people without meaning to. keep having superficial talks while all i'm craving is a real talk. about real feelings. but i'm too scares of showing the real me to people. they'll hate me. even more than they do now. and it'll be a different hate. they'll hate me then. now they only hate the person they think i am.
i apologise for being such an awful person. and i also apologise for being such an awful diary writer. i am probably boring everyone with this and the worst is that i am covering a proper superficial entry that you'd enjoy much more with this. so please stop reading this now and go here and read today's actual entry instead.
stabbing westward - save yourself