Home
Archives
Profile
Book
Notes
Mail
Cast
Misc
Rings
Host
why am i losing sleep?
2002-05-18
this is another 'forced' entry. my boredom is forcing me. everybody seems to refuse to talk to me. i'm even considering putting some people on my ignore list, now. that is another disadvantage of being online a lot. when you get offline you miss functions like ignore lists and delete buttons. but some people still manage to get them working in real life. my mom is the best example. we've just had about the biggest row ever. i was just telling her that i'm pissed off with having a not-working computer in my room. it's been more than 4 months now and that's just not fair. and she once again decided to ignore me completely, like she usually does when i start talking about that. so i started yelling at her which, i know, wasn't the wisest thing but i wasn't expecting a real answer anyway. all i wanted was just ANY reaction to show me i wasn't invisible or whatever. well, she only yelled back with completely unreasonable arguments and then went back to staring at her deadly stupid game on the comp screen and ignoring me. so, i freaked out completely. i just hate being ignored. i mean, i know i'm not perfect and i know i can be a bitch sometimes but ignoring people is something you do if someone's not even worth being looked at. and i hate it when people make me feel like that. and it seems a lot of people, not only my mom, are good at it lately. well, until i'll give up running after them. one day i'm just gonna turn my back at them, i swear. i'd rather live my life in complete loneliness somewhere in the australian outback than running after someone, friend or lover, forever.
i have decided to make my diary entries a bit more...well...mixed. it pisses me off to see how i dedicate whole entries to problems with people who seem to be too stupid to see there is a problem. it's just not on. unfortunately, there isn't much i could say, today. i wanted to drive over to oberhausen and visit my little raccoons. you know, there's a park which is a bit like a zoo but only has small animals and treats them better than our zoo. and you don't need to pay to get in. during the summer months, i go there regularly because i love raccoons so much but you can't see them here in the woods or something. they're so cute. i've taken hundreds of pics of them, already. but the weather was so crap today that i decided to rather stay in because the paths in the park are very muddy when it's raining and all. and i couldn't have taken proper pix of my raccoonies, anyway. so maybe i'll go tomorrow if the weather's better.
damn! i'm watching the osbournes while writing this. i want that family. why can't my parents be like that? they're so cool and you can swear and yell and be naughty and whatever and all they ever do is yell back (which isn't that bad because that's the normal form of communication among them) or say something like 'i'm very disappointed' (when kelly got the tattoo). they never ignore their kids. they even take them with them on tour. and when the shit hits the fan, the kids can still go out and tell everyone their dad is a famous rockstar and everyone will at least fake-like them. gawd that show cracks me up. i think it'll be the first time that i cry when they stop showing it. oh, and i want pink hair like kelly. not her hairstyle, tho.
gawd, i'm such a dork. you know how people say when someone yawns all the people around them have to yawn, too. well, my mom just yawned and i was fightling like in a bloody war for not to yawn just because. it doesn't even make sense because whoever's made that thing about yawning up isn't here and there's noone i could prove it to, either. yet, i just wouldn't give up.
anyway, my mom's pissing me off so much right now that i'm going and occupying myself outside of the living room. blergh!
stay beautiful!
liebling
-