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he hates me, he hates me not...
2005-01-17
even i didn't think it could get any worse but it did. today was probably the worst day i've ever had in this job. well, or at least the worst thing happened. h., whom i decided is actually my fave co-worker EVER (except for annette, of course), totally freaked out at me. and i have no idea why. in the end, i doubt it was about me as he was having a bad day anyway but it was such a huge shock. basically, since i'm a stupid trainee, i'm not allowed to do important stuff like work on the cashier or i don't get keys for the safe and all. so, i spend most of the time rushing to find someone who can give me phone cards, cellphones and whatever. well, today only h. and r. were around. r. is particularly moody and i never like to ask him, so i mainly asked h. and i mean, he always told me to come to him because i told him that i get confused when i ask different people and get different answers. he even told me to stay at his side when i have nothing to do, just to learn new stuff and all. so i thought it would be alright. but suddenly, out of nowhere, he yelled at me telling me to piss off. well, he didn't say piss off but it was rude, too. in front of r. and d. and n. (the boss). everyone was just quiet for a moment. i guess they were shocked, too. but of course no one stuck up for me or anything. so i just mumbled a "sorry", rushed back to the customer to tell give him some blabla-information and then went down to the basement to lick my wounds. first i wanted to cry and i kept saying "i don't believe he did that". but then i just swallowed my pride and went back upstairs. i'm still in shock, though. i just can't deal with things like that. i should but i can't. especially not when i don't know when to expect such an outburst and who from. there are people, like r. where i know that the possibility exists. so i try to avoid him as much as possible, especially when he's pissy anyway. but h. is just a person you don't expect to act like that. so i'm a bit scared of going back there tomorrow. i already decided to not ask anymore if i need information. if a customer asks me something i don't know the answer for, i'll just tell them some random bullshit. i don't care. it's not like i'll have to deal with them later. if they come back, i'll be gone. and the people who'll have to deal with it are the same people that aren't willing to help me now. don't get me wrong, i don't expect everyone to jump as soon as i call. but where's the problem in telling me they're busy? just what is THEIR problem, dammit? so i've mainly made that decision already. but i don't know what to do about the things i HAVE to ask for. like, people working the cashier. maybe i will just tell everyone who wants to buy something that they have to come back later because...there is a virus in the system or whatever.
but i actually sorted things out with h. more or less. we didn't talk about it but he seemed to be having a really really rotten day so i let it go and as some sort of peace sign offered to let him book an order for me under his name so he would get the credit for it (i know his wage depends on it and if he sells less, he'll get less money and with me, it doesn't matter anymore). i know i was probably sucking up very badly but he really is an awesome guy. not hot or anything. he's just hella funny and nice to be around (unless he's close to killing you) and i find it hard to really be mad at him. i don't even blame him. it was really just such a huge shock and i mainly hate myself for not being able to deal with such things. though i am pretty sure that it would have been a shock to anyone. but it would have been easier to shrug off for most people while, as you can see, i am still thinking about it. in fact, it was enough to make me think about calling in sick tomorrow though it's only two days left anyway. oh please, please, please...just let me hang on for those two damn days! and please let them be at least alright.
apart from that, i got the results of the last written exam and they were also decent. i was kinda scared that i fucked that up because it could have ruined things after all. but yay, i passed which means there's really only the oral exams to go and that shouldn't be so bad.
AFI - morningstar