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we are young, we get by, can't go mad, ain't got time
2004-06-14
today, i read ina's diary and also some others i found by browsing around through dland world. and i noticed how i hate them. i hate them because they're still so young. i'm not saying i'm old but compared to them, i am. when they write entries about being scared of the future or problems with boy-/girlfriends or being pissed off at their parents or problems at school/work, it sounds perfectly reasonable. you say it's teenage angst and you say it must be hard for them because they're growing up and so many things are changing. when i (or anyone else my age) writes similar entries, people say, we i should grow up. and i can't blame them. when i come across the diary of someone in their 20's and i read lovey dovey stuff, i feel like telling them off, too. but i think the question is...do we have a right to do so? and is it correct that at some point in your life your POV on some things changes? do things like love, school/work or friendships become easier? or does at least the way we deal with them change? because if that's the case, something must have gone wrong with me. at least, i am still waiting for this to happen. thing is, i'm still as clueless as i used to be at 15. i still blush and giggle when i receive compliments. i'm still crap of getting into and leave alone keeping a relationship. and i still haven't found a way to feel comfortable at work. so, does this wisdom just come to me? do i just wake up one day and feel all mature? do i suddenly feel the urge to take up loads of responsibility and sort out all my problems?
i don't even know why all this was in my head now. i really just read ina's diary and it came up. maybe i'm just too tired, as usual.
anyway...i think i'll really go off now, so that's the perfect excuse. ha.
call me a pessimist, but i think not. i think maybe all those years that we thought our parents were perfect grown-ups and they always know how to deal with a situation, they were fooling us. they were just damn good at hiding their own ignorance.
and to be honest...it doesn't seem like a bad thing to me. at all. because it means i'm perfectly normal.
and man, don't you fucking hate it, when people bother you on msn all the time, even though you just refuse to reply? there's this guy who just keeps saying "hi". 2749709 times a day and i never reply. well, maybe once every 183,6 times. yeah, i could block him but he's not annoying enough to break my habit of not blocking people for him. or at least his messages don't come frequent enough. but it makes me wonder why people do that. sometimes he says "hi" and after then mins or so he goes "hello?" and it's just so obvious that i'm not gonna reply. i could tell him i don't want to talk but i did that once and it turned out he isn't the kind of person who accepts that. he just went all self-pityish on me which annoyed me so much, i vowed never to tell him that again.
and another funny msn situation just happened. someone came on who i really really don't wanna talk to and that whole situation just amuses me. you just go "please don't see me. please don't see me." and you can't really do much. you don't want to go off because you're talking to others and you can't suddenly go on away mode, either, because you know they'll make a point of asking you why you went on away when they came on. heh.
beigeGT - heat