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...why the light of day that's shown to us is absolutely meaningless to me
2006-05-26
It's raining. Quite beautifully so. It's not stormy or pissing it down.
Just clear, straight rain. The kind of rain you see in perfect Hollywood
movies. It also causes a wonderful smell to rise from the bushes and
trees outside. It's perfect, really. Perfect to finally do what I've
been dying to do for weeks now. Listen to Decemberunderground, of
course. But I would never forgive myself if I did it now. I know of at
least four sources where I could listen. One of them is legal, as well.
But I can't do this. It wouldn't be the same. I need to hold the booklet
in my hands and read along and stare at the pictures. Then, I need to
ist in my car and drive while listening. This is so important to me and
I can't ruin it because I'm too impatient to make it through the last
few days. But this weekend is gonna be so very hard. I'm gonna have to
distract myself so much.
Talking about people...the last few weeks have been a little up and down
friendship-wise. Usually, that's not exactly news with me. But it's
quite rare that there is an actual lesson to be learned or some
revelation to be made. Well, this time, I would say the actual message
is: Do not blame others for your own incompetence! Seriously, using
others to cover up for you is straight shitty, so stop it. That would be
the ultimate lesson I would like to teach people. The lesson I need to
learn myself is probably that I need to put a stop to things more often.
You know, just say no and let people know when they're crossing the
line. Because whenever I agree to do something I don't fully support the
idea of, it usually comes back to bite me in the ass sooner or later.
It's sad and crappy. And it causes me a lot more stress than a simple
"No!" would.
Dagnabbit! My boss just messaged me to "ask for permission" to go home
an hour early today. I wanted to do thaaat! *whine* Although the more
time I spend far away from my computer, the less tempted will I be to
just click one of those damn links. I am gonna have to play a lot of
Sims, WoW and Animal Crossing this weekend.
I'm hungry. I had some almost-fat-and-sugar-free chocolate pudding and a
kazillion strawberries already but I still want more. My greedy
co-worker's stuffing her face with some noodle soup and candy and
whatnot. She's really the death of everyone trying to lose weight. I can
already picture her pouncing the "candy cupboard" and me whimpering when
I get a glimpse of the inside. The boss brought loads of chocolate and
cookies today. Meh. The problem with working at an office is that
something like "I'll only eat a piece of it." doesn't exist. You get
bored and distracted and before you know it, you've eaten an amount of
chocolate that's enough to cover the whole of Canada. So it's best not
to start.
Same goes for money, by the way. It's better not to start spending. Next
month is gonna be so hardcore, financially speaking. I need to pay for
my car insurance and then there'll be the tattoo which I guess will be
some 300 EUR or so, as well... Right now, I am not sure how I will be
able to afford the booking fee for the appointment. But I
Tomorrow will be halfway fine. I'm gonna drive to Erkelenz to plan my
new tattoo and fix the appointment for Maja and me. I am gonna get
another AFI tattoo. I have two things on my mind but will probably only
get one done. It sucks when you don't have enough money to get
everything you want! However...I am most likely also gonna get May 19th
in there somewhere. Because it has been the best day of my life so far.
Not only because of the gig. Mind you, it was the most amazing show I
have ever been to. I have never seen a band as genuine as AFI. They just
seemed to have so much fun performing and although it was such a small
venue, they seemed truly grateful for each person that showed up. It was
beautiful. But what was even better (if possible) were the hours before
the gig. Us people from the German fan community met before
the gig and it was simply amazing to see how well we got along. I've met
quite a few people whom I had been talking to on the net. But especially
with large groups of people, I always found it hard to get comfortable.
This time, however, it was amazing. I felt totally fine and like I could
be myself with them. Each of them is simply awesome and perfect. It's
just kind of sad that I was so excited and "forgot" to spend enough time
with all of them. I hope we'll get another chance. I'm definitely going
to be at some (or most, actually) of the next shows in and around
Germany. But i don't know how likely it is that we're all gonna meet.
Probably just small partitions. In any case, I love those people! <3
So I definitely need to get them and that day onto my body
somehow...want need this so much.
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