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seegurken und arschkriecher
2003-07-05
ooohhh, i'm kind of over-excited tonight. first i've been seeing robbie on tv all day which reminded me that it's only 9 days til the concert.
ok, not everything is great. yesterday, maja broke the exciting news to me that she probably won't be able to afford going to london in september. as much as i know she's as disappointed as me and i have no right to be mad, i am pissed off. not even at her or at anyone. i don't even know who to blame except myself for looking forward to something and being disappointed again. and i'll continue being mad for a while...just for the sake of it. there's not much else i could do anyway. throw a tantrum and just ask annette to go with me, yeah, sure. but that's not really a solution to the actual problem, is it?
but other than that i really can't complain about much. ok, i probably fucked up an exam but i think i did surprisingly well in another one so that's alright.
in off-school life i feel a little ignored by some people. it's not even like they ignore me but my problems. like "yeah, whatever you say..." but at the same time expect me to take them serious. no way, darlings.
but i talked to sabrina again today. which was nice but a bit dull. during some parts of the conversation i couldn't hear her properly and didn't even care as she was mostly talking and talking. like...she was complaining about her weight again. and a) don't bitch about your weight to me unless there's an obvious problem with it and b) if you say that girls with 3kg less than you are too thin and you yourself are too fat than what the fuck is 'normal' for you? also, if you're about 1,70m and you think your ideal weight is under 58kg, you have a problem. in my world, anyway. so i don't even bother listening to that stuff from her anymore. nor do i want to hear about some problems with her ex and ex-ex and ex-ex-ex cos there are never any problems. the current 'problem' is that he has pictures of his new girlfriend online. so what? it is his new girlfriend, for fuck's sake. as far as i know he had pics of sabrina online as well. she has those really teeny-like opinions about boyfriends and ex-boyfriends and how people are not allowed to meet other people they could fancy (as in of the desired sex) when they're in a relationship which is a fine opinion when you're 15 or 16 and highly insecure about everything and relationships have an average life-span of about 3 weeks and everything can be a threat to them. but without sounding old and wise now i think we're both old enough to get a grip of ourselves and notice that there aren't two worlds, one for singles and one for couples. you always meet other people and no one is the center of the universe. or am i being too realistic here?
and to cheer myself up i'll go read HP5 now...
then i finished my biology homework assignment which i'll send off either tomorrow or on monday.
then i got a new pair of pants which is sooo awesome. it kinda looks self-made with jeans on the front, red and white pinstripes around the ankles and other kind of tissue on the back. it's so pretty.
and now i also read becca's diary which made me giggle and shiver and blush in excitement even though it wasn't even me being there. but soon i'll see the guys, too. and it's all just so great.
it's just that two weeks ago it looked like i was going to london at least twice this year and now nothing's left and i'm sorry if i feel that this sucks quite a bit.
things at school go up and down lately. sometimes i don't even mind the people anymore and then they piss me off so much again that i get mad at everyone and everything and even get into trouble with annette.
now, however, sabrina got herself icq so i'm in for quite a few shallow smilie-exchanging online conversations. while i much prefer them to phone talks as i needn't put any effort into making my voice sound interested.
this sounds awfully bad and i apologise. it's not like i really look down on her. we can still have loads and loads of fun together but we need to get past the "oh, i'm still single, how will i cope?" and "my ex did this and that" talk which is where our opinions differ the most. unfortunately we didn't get there today so it all bored me half to death.
afi - death of seasons