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Here it's December, everyday
2006-06-04
Once again, I've been wanting to update for days. I never seem to be able to do so and then it all just wants out and I end up just typing some short crap that doesn't even come close to what I'm tryint to say. Although I kind of like the past entries. Because they seem a lot more elaborate than most of the things I've written lately. Yes, I read my own journal entries. Get over it. I need to do it to see what I've written about already and when I posted the last update and stuff. Because my memory is bad like that.
So, the past week has been about two things: AFI and people. I think I'll write about it all in this order and then see what happens.
So...AFI. I finally got Decemberunderground. And boy, did I need it or what? In all my craziness, I had spent the past few days before receiving the CD contemplating what exactly I would do with it. Well, listen to it, yes. But in what way? You can't just grab the very record you've been waiting for for three years of your life and stick it in the player to listen to it while you're doing the laundry or something. I had come up with a lot of extra-ordinary ideas. But then I figured the best way of giving it the attention it deserved was to just lie down on my bed and listen. Just listen. Tell everyone to fuck off and give myself over to the music. Which is exactly what I did. And I cried. I also smiled a lot. And when the CD ended, I was just so overwhelmed that I ran around the house like a headless chicken, smiling like an idiot. It's nothing like I expected it to be but then again...that pretty much was my expectation. I never thought it would sound like anything I could even imagine it to sound like. If that makes sense. I don't even want to write some sort of review now. Or look at it from any halfway objective POV. Or compare it or rate it or do anything like that. I wouldn't be able to do it anyway. I think it's just enough to say that it's absolutely everything I wanted and needed from the band right now. Without even being able to say what exactly that would be.
Nevermind. This won't make sense to anyone but me. I just needed to write it down. Although I've done so a dozen times already. Because it seems like half the world wanted to know my opinion on it. And this is just everything I could say about it without lying or trying to pretend or anything. I think people were a little disappointed that I wasn't up for rating each and every song, comparing it to the last album or interpreting the lyrics. I just can't do that now.
So let's just move on. I'm sounding freakish enough for now.
So...people. Have I ever written about how much I hate it when people drift in and out of my life so quickly? It really bothers me when they're suddenly there and I have no idea where they've come from. But before I really get to know them, they've vanished. I hate how it leaves me wondering whether it was something I said or did. It's ironic, really. Because I tend to get bored of people really quickly. Very few people actually hold my attention for a long time and I've been trying very hard to not push them away after a while. I just obsess over new people and find them absolutely fabulous...until I find one tiny flaw. Which is the point where I grow tired of them. Which is unfair and rude, so I've been trying to change it. But ever so often, it happens that people are gone before I can even figure out what they're like and whether there would be a place for them in my life. I know I shouldn't be complaining because they're just using my own weapons against me. But it still bothers me. Probably because I'm usually still so very interested in them when they leave me. And because it crushes my tiny ego. I think I would feel much better about it if people were actually able to just say goodbye when they're not into me anymore.
Today, I've once again noticed what a huge music nerd I am. There was a Placebo live special on TV and I kept smiling and writing about it on the internet. People probably think I'm a complete loser because I keep going like "Aww, my boys" and really analyzing their performance and stuff. What can I say? That's just me!
Oh yeah, I've also been to see Taking Back Sunday with Tanja. Which was amazing, once again. I really owe the band a big Thank You because it was the first gig after AFI and they've really helped me to get over the whole "loss" and see the beauty in other bands' performances again. They had two support acts. hellogoodbye were awesome. I had never heard of them before but they really managed to entertain us quite well. Then ZSK on the other hand...god, when will such stupid German loud-and-nasty-and-premature punk bands finally die? It might have been cool in the 80's but it isn't today. And just because every 2nd song consists of anti-Nazi-racism-whatever paroles doesn't make the quality of the music any better. They really annoyed me to the point where I wanted to cry out of sheer frustration.
But Taking Back Sunday made up for it all again. Well...it's strange with them. In my record collection, they're basically just one of many bands I enjoy. Occasionally, I obsess about them a little and get really addicted to single songs. But overall they're just further down the list for me. But as a live band, they're definitely in my top 5 of bands I could see again and again and again and never get tired of them. Last week, for example, they didn't even play any of my absolute faves. Yet, I won't get around using the word "amazing" to describe the show. They were really really good and so was the crowd. So yes...next tour date, please!
And now, please excuse me as I need to concentrate on the important decision of a) bury myself under the sheets or b) stay up to listen to AFI on Loveline sometime in the early morning hours.
AFI - Love Like Winter