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don't ask me!
2002-05-03
aaahhh... *stretches out in her chair* another week has passed. which basically means i survived another exam and another PE lesson. though, i feel a little sick. i actually slept from 5pm til 9pm, today. but i'm still tired and my head's about to explode and i think i might have to throw up, soon. but i feel good, anyway.
i'm a bit mad at myself, though. as i think, i've written in one of my previous entries, i told jenny that no way we'd be going to that youth exhibition thing, this month. even though she has free tickets. but, today, i was told that probably, the calling are gonna perform there. NOT FAIR! but i'm not enough of a bitch to go and suck up to her, now. i think, i might just go and buy my own ticket. or i'll just live with not getting to see TC that soon. especially, after today it wouldn't be such a good idea to suddenly 'use' her like that. we had some pretty...uhm...serious thing at school, today. she was pissing me off beyond recognition, again. and even though, i had told her i was in a really foul mood AND i wasn't talking to her, at all, she thought it was a good idea to provoke me a little. i'm not a violent person, but i was THIS close to just getting up and giving her a good slap. i think she kinda felt it because she didn't come to the PE lesson after the break. which really amused me because that means she's in deep shit. you can't just go home after the maths lesson, skip english and never turn up for PE. she's done that, previously, and she got yelled at. now, she's surely gonna get hell. ok, so i'm a huge bitch for enjoying this so much but hey, it's not my fault. i didn't tell her to stay away. there was absolutely no need for her to be scared of me or anything. as long as she leaves me alone, i'll leave her alone, too. but i'm not gonna listen to her crap 24/7 and then let her yell at me for not agreeing with her about everything. uhm, yeah, so...nice day at school, again.
sabrina called me, yesterday to tell me her hamster had babies. aww... she asked if i wanted one or two but i'm not sure. i'd have to buy a cage, first. they're really cute, though. kinda mini-hamsters. they're reeeeaaally ickle. and so funny. they seem to be more stupid than other hamsters. at least, they keep falling off things and getting stuck somewhere or so. *laughs* oh well, i still have about 4 weeks time to think about it, anyway.
gosh, what else was there i wanted to write about? there was quite a lot but most of it is either gonna get me in trouble or doesn't seem important, anymore. i do have doubts about some friendships, again, but i seem to have such feelings about twice a month or so, so i guess, it's just me and maybe, it's not worth complaining about it. it'll only stir up trouble, again and i'm not in the mood for that.
why is it that i can NEVER do what i plan? little plans, i mean. like, i say i want to watch some of my good old films, again. and it's not like i had any deadly important things to do. so, i could just sit down in the evening and watch at least one or two of them. but i don't. why? instead, i sit around and watch music telly or stupid talkshows or whatever. and i'm bored to death. i even complain about the awful programme. yet, i don't do anything to amuse myself.
i got an e-mail from a girl who found my addy on the TC street team site, today. no, that's not the whole story, yet. yes, i know that's no big deal. would you please listen to the full story, first? well, the cool thing was that she lives in my hometown. which is rather amazing. see, my hometown is...well, ok it IS a rather big town but it is in germany and somehow you NEVER find anyone from this town on the net...not on international sites, anyway.
well, i think that's enough now. i'm gonna go and sleep even more. yey.
stay beautiful!
actually, i can't be arsed to write anything about feelings and stuff, here now. that would mean i'd have to think about how i'm feeling. i have no clue, really. it's not that empty feeling, again. it's just that i don't really know. there are quite a lot of emotions going on inside me, at the moment. but it seems like they're all temporary and only turn up as kinda mask and what lies beneath them is what i really feel. i can't really make out what it is, though. desperation, maybe. the thing i mostly notice about me, lately, is anger. not an aggressive kind of anger but just...like being fed up with the world. i can't say i'm being treated unfair...but i'm surely not given the best chances, either. i don't know...i guess there's really no point in analyzing this, now, as i obviously don't know and am just stumbling around in the dark. i guess, i can still write about this after figuring out what's going on.
gawd, my mom's annoying me, right now. just when i started complaining about my sad little life, here, she turned on some silly talkshow. now, there's a guy talking about his cancer and how he could have died and it makes me feel awful because here i am, complaining about little things while there are people with *real* problems. but that's just me. i live in my own little world. here, ickle problems seem like huge dramas (...and i haven't even mentioned the huge lollipop trees, yet)
liebling
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