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love your hate...
2004-06-27
damn, i shouldn't be so angry. i'm too old for this. the whole "random angerism" thing is for teenagers. but lately, not a single day passes without me thinking of hurting someone. random people, friends or family, physically or emotionally. it just doesn't matter. something happens or someone says or does something and i want to kill them already. or sometimes i already wake up being angry. in a way, it feels good but it's getting old now and you're really not getting far if you're pissing around with everyone. though currently, i don't really see a reason to spread love and happiness, either. people aren't exactly treating me like a precious little jewel, either. it's all just falling apart, i think. and boy, do i wish i could just leave it all behind and start from zero again.
also, i hate myself for never fucking getting my arse off the this spot on the sofa to do some serious studying. i'm seriously not getting anywhere at the moment. i manage to finish about 1 homework assignment a week if i'm really good and that's simply not enough seeing how i lost so much time already. i need to finish at least 2 or 3. and with maths or physics i don't get anything done. because i don't manage to sit down in my room or the kitchen to work seriously. i just read the stuff while watching tv or listening to music or chatting to someone and that's just not gonna work. it's ok with english or german or french because i can rely on the stuff i know already and it's easy. but things i have yet to understand require some more work. damn, i should have known i was gonna fail yet again.
but i'll have two days off now and i hope i'll be able to find the motivation to do something for school. and i also need to write a letter to brynja and work on my website and...oh god, someone kill me, please!
AFI - miseria cantare