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how rude
2004-06-24
ack...stupid stupid stupid. so england's out but that's alright because they got further than germany and i didn't really expect more. of course, i still wanted them to win and i believed in them (you gotta stick to your team, you know?!) but actually, i was pretty sure they weren't gonna make it. but i mean...fans of 3rd league teams never give up hope, either, do they?
and besides...who gives a fuck about football anyway? *g*
currently, everyone can go to hell again. all my friends, enemies and also people i don't usually care about. they all seem to be PMS'ing (even the guys), so yeah...
so...things with annette aren't necessarily getting better. i knew it would turn out bad. nothing big happened, i just find myself paying way too much attention to the way she's treating me lately. and maybe it's just me being oversensitive but things just seem to get kind of...weird. it's like there's constantly some sort of electricity in the air and it could all blow up any minute. also, it seems like our stupid idiot boss is trying to tear us apart. she's told us quite often that we seem to stick together too often (boohoo, so we're friends, big deal!) and now she constantly pushes things around so annette and melanie end up in a project together, so they spend most of the time working on that and i just sit around doing nothing like everyone else.
the problem is...i can see where it all is going. either we'll start this whole group studying thing and end up in a huge argument and never talk again. or i tell them i don't want to be in such a group because we have different ways of studying and i know they'll do better because annette, melanie and alex can suddenly become complete geeks if they have to, which i can't. and then i'll feel all worthless and shitty again and i'll just never call them anymore and it'll all fall apart. it has to be like that, i just know it.
last night i had this horrible dream. annette and me came home from...whatever and for some reason, she was staying with me. so, when we came into my room, i noticed the window had been open all the time and there were loads of spiders and wasps in my room. i asked annette to get rid of them because she wasn't pissing herself, like me. and i was just standing in the middle of the room, crying and screaming. i'd ask whether anyone knew what it meant now, but i think secretly, i already know...
and i'd like to end this entry with something positive: i wanna thank the lovely donots for showing me once again how exciting music can be. and now everyone go and buy their new album. it's called "got the noise" and it's absolutely amazing. thank you!
tomorrow will be the start of this year's hurricane/southside and suddenly everyone comes around telling me how they're looking forward to seeing placebo. i even got a mail by another german DF member, telling me how he was gonna see them. though i was really really really happy about getting such a lovely mail ('twas my first mail from a fellow DF'er), that was just too damn ironic. but at least they all promised to tell me what it was like and some even said they'll try and take some nice photos...
as for melanie...she can just go fuck herself right now. it was mainly because of her that we didn't end up doing anything today. first, she kept whining that we never had time off together and how we couldn't go to a theme park on a weekend because it's so crowded then. now we got this awesome chance of a thursday off and she kept cheching weather forecasts and was whining about how it was SO gonna rain (it said there'd be occasional showers...) and just wouldn't accept that it didn't matter because most things in phantasialand are indoors anyway. so now we ended up doing nothing.
but on wednesday afternoon, i was feeling pretty crap anyways. i went to bed immediately after coming home (which was around 5.30) and slept for more than 18 hours. partly because i had a horrible horrible headache and had spent most of the drive home from work crying and wincing and partly because i didn't want to talk to or see anyone.
donots - wretched boy