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L'amour et la haine
2005-10-26
Be prepared: This is gonna be a really lame entry because I'm nearly falling asleep here. I've been wanting to update for hours already but then something got in the way. Ha. And then I had to prepare some applications for tomorrow but we'll get to that in time.
I feel guilty because I didn't go to the gym today though it was planned. I didn't sleep last night and I was dead today. Also, I thought the world was ending because it was so stormy outside. I wanted to nap a little in the morning but it proved to be impossible because people kept interrupting. Either by calling or ringing the doorbell. So I gave up. And there was no way I could go to the gym in this state. Though it would have been needed. I gave in to sin yesterday. I had dinner from McDonald's. And I'm now willing to sue them. I ordered a McChicken. Yes, ONE McChicken.* And they gave me TWO. And I remember ages ago when I last ordered a McChicken there, they also gave me two. Are they trying to sabotage my diet? Or do I just look so fat that me ordering ONE burger has to be a mistake, so they make it two? Hmpf. But yeah, my Mom eating the second one, though she had had a Big Tasty already made me feel better and really disciplined.
So today, stress found its way into my life again. Around 9 or 10, my cellphone rang and it was some woman from a temp agency (another one!) to invite for an interview. Tomorrow morning at 9. In D�sseldorf. It's gonna be hell. I hate how you can't really disagree with anything they suggest. What am I supposed to say? "NINE? No way, dude!"? So once again, I find myself driving straight to hell in the middle of the night. For a job I don't really want.
I was also asked out for a date today. I signed up with one of those stupid internet single communities. I did it out of boredom and because I used to be signed up ages ago and get all those amusing mails by guys looking for quick shags and all. I'm getting those again, now. But I also got a nice mail containing a nice compliment about my picture there the other day (well, cellphone cams are the shit when you're trying to look faintly sweet). And today he said he'd be in town tomorrow. Luckily, I could cancel because of all the other appointments. Really, I'm doing this for fun, I don't think I'd go on a blind date. Ok, I've seen his picture, so it wouldn't be a blind date. But he's not my type, either. Well, yeah, I lied when I sent a reply saying he looked nice, too. But I thought it was the thing to do. I mean, I didn't exactly lie, I was just polite. Maybe I should stop signing up for these things when I'm not really looking. Though I never said I was, so if they're assuming I want to go on dates, it's their problem. I still suck, though. But I still won't go on a date with that dude. I must admit that it was a little boost to my ego, though. Should be enough.
...
I'm wondering whether I should pull an all-nighter. I have to get up around 5.30 anyway. But if I decide to do that, I know I'll be all bored by 3 and then go to bed anyway to wake up two hours later and be all grumpy. If I go to bed now, I won't be able to sleep anyway. I'm fucked either way.
*Blabla, bird flu. If I get it, I want it from McDonald's. What better place?
I briefly thought about cancelling it all, though. Because something quite surreal happened. Sabrina called me. Yes, the Sabrina from about three years ago that I haven't seen in ages and thought I would never hear from again. And I know that if this had happened, it had been my fault but guess what? She was totally blaming it all on herself. Saying she never around to call me and how lazy and unmotivated she was. I'm too much of an ass to disagree completely, so I said we should agree that we both fucked it up.
Anyway, so she's also working for a temp agency and thought of me because they're looking for someone quite urgently. So I'm going there tomorrow, too. Unfortunately, she said I should come around at 2, so there is not really an excuse for cancelling the other interview. Of course, I could tell myself that I'm SO getting the job if Sabrina suggests me but that's not 100% true and I really can't afford cancelling any more interviews just because I'm too lazy or slow or sad or tired or depressed or whatever. Especially not this one as the official job agency actually suggested them to me and vice versa and if they find out I fucked it up, I'm fucked. So I'm going to two job interviews tomorrow and to the gym afterwards. And somehow, I'll also have to be all cheery because I meet an old friend again. Sabrina will be there tomorrow and I'd find it inappropriate to moan to her about how much my life sucks at the moment. I'm glad to see her again, though. And I'm also amazed that she's actually trying to help me. I'm an asshole. It seems I have the best friends in the world and I never appreciate them as much as I should. I suck.
Love sucks anyway. Why is everything about love these days? Movies, TV shows. It's not really that important. When you're in love maybe. But still, that doesn't mean the whole world cares. Why are people so obsessed with it? Why are some wasting their lives trying to find that one big love when chances are it'll never come? Why can't we all just...have fun, live our lives and embrace love if it comes but forget about it if it doesn't? It all sucks. I'm tired of reading about people's puppy love, quest for love, lost love, twisted love, unrequited love, whatever love. No one cares about...me getting all excited about a band or a new album or a gig or whatever, so stop pestering me with your mushy little crap. Bah. And I especially don't care about lovey dovey movies with always the same sugar-sweet actors in them.
And if I ever get another mail by someone telling me about how much love matters and blabla without me asking for their opinion or any other specific reason for them to bury me under an avalanche of their deepest emotions, I'll go murder random people in the streets and then proceed to email other random people and rant about how much hatred and anger matters. Yup.
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