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an open letter
2004-12-14
ok, dear...here's the deal: don't fuck with me. don't expect me to do and say things and then cut my throat when i don't. and don't fucking blame ME for your problems.
i know you're having a hard time. we've been down that road many times and i've given you my two cents' quite a few times as well. you know i have my ways of showing you that i care and if that's not enough...well, i'm sorry. in that case, maybe the friendship we were trying to hold onto all this time doesn't exist.
no, i did not react to your latest..."calls". for two reasons.
the first is simple: i don't know the answer to everything that's going round in your head at the moment. yes, it might seem you have no friends, so what should i do to stop you thinking so? you know i'm your friend, you know i love you but what can i do about the others? yes, maybe you should give up on the internet altogether. maybe you should try something else. or maybe no. i don't know, ok? as i said, we've discussed this so often and i've just come to the end of the road. i have nothing i could tell you anymore. i never knew what to say and the things i've said so far weren't helpful, either. what am i expected to do? well, certainly not what i would think right at the moment.
the second reason is even simpler: i'm sick of it. sick of the way you always come around and expect me to SENSE things. you make comments and i never know what exactly might be wrong. i never know when things are urgent. why not fucking approach things directly and say "ok, this and that happened and it pissed me off". i feel like reading a fucking tabloid that's packed with as many eye-catching headlines as possible. "i have no friends", "my life sucks", "i'm worthless". i'm sick of talking for 20 minutes before i even know what happened. if something's wrong, fucking TELL ME! and i'm not gonna react to vague text messages in the middle of the night when i have a fucking important final the other day just to find out your drunk or something. and bloody stop spitting stuff in my face and running off, ok?
sorry to do it this way but there was no other way right now. since you obviously blocked me on msn and as i said...i'm not gonna talk to you right now. and who knows if you'd read an email before deleting it. maybe curiosity will make you read this entry. don't hate me but i had to say these things right now. you may find it hurtful or feel betrayed. for me, this is just as honest as it gets and right now, i feel there's only honesty left.
sorry to those who this entry is not addressed to. i apologize for boring you to death in case you read it all.
also, i am simply not gonna talk to you when you're pissed and depressed. sorry, but i'm not. this is not going to lead anywhere and you know it. none of us is gonna figure anything out right now. and when i tell you to go to bed and sleep, you should just bloody listen to me. just this once, dammit.
green day - wake me up when september ends