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join the masquerade
2003-03-31
i forgot to tell you about something. oh my god.
i watched the placebo live special again today. i don't know if the credits go to the guys and their live skills or myself for the neverending promotion i am giving them but suddenly the whole world seems to be in love with them. and boy, does it annoy me!!!
i'm serious. i am not one of those people who thinks their object of desire is all theirs and noone else will ever be allowed to lay eyes on them. in fact i am terribly happy for the boys because they're getting the attention they deserve. but it gets a bit annoying when you talk about them for ages and people always look down on you a bit like you were some little 12 y.o. who's not worth listening to and suddenly it goes BANG! and the whole world loves them. i really just wanna stand up on a huge building and laugh down at all those people going like 'TOLD YOU SAY, YOU WANKERS!!!' i guess it wouldn't be so bad if people didn't act like they had been such huge fans for ages and like they knew everything and blabla. i don't expect them to bow down in front of me and whatever but bloody stop being so pretentious. don't be pissed off when i don't suddenly want to engage in long expert-sorta conversations about that band with you. i've been looked down at for so long and now i don't want the same people to come crawling back and tell me how they think brian is sexy and all. hypocrites.
btw...is it just me or does each and every linkin park video look the same? seriously now. without bashing or anything. ok, i don't like them but that's not the point. the videos all look the same to me. to me it kind of shows how much they care and how much of a meaning they're actually trying to get across. *sarcasm dripping from every word*
i have to work again tomorrow and it depresses me. though friday went quite ok. i actually talked to markus and he said i was doing a good job except i was a bit slow during customer talks and with the program and all. i told him it was cos i get nervous and i don't know my way round the program very well yet and he said it was ok. and then he was all nice again and elmar showed me some stuff in the back rooms (not what YOU think!!!) and robert was nice, too. ok, he actually talked about other people again but it wasn't all that bad cos i actually managed to tell him to stop and he understood and even melanie was nice. so it was all good. but i still don't really see myself integrated into the group and i don't think that's gonna change. plus it's robert's last day before going to the army for two years tomorrow and i think they'll want to go and have a drink after work and i still have to find an excuse for getting out of that... i like robert a lot and i'll kinda miss him but i don't think going for a drink with that group will work out. i'm just too paranoid of people seeing the real me. i always am. and it's worst when whole groups of people are around me.
anyways, i think i need to go to sleep now because i'll have to get a bit earlier to take a shower and all...
ps: happy birthday to the wonderful mr olsdal whose birthday it is for 36 minutes already. CET that is. with him there's still 24 mins to go. may he get pissed beyond recognition and then shag brian and convert steve. haha.
anyway, on...uhm...thursday when i went shopping we went to hmv and i bought some music mags and there was this guy at the till. he was ok-ish and quite nice but i didn't think anything of it. i just paid and left. but outside my mom said the guy had been heavily flirting with me. which kind of...throws me off the track. i mean, i didn't even refresh my make-up after work. nor was i wearing anything overly interesting. and i hadn't washed my hair that day. personally, i thought my look sucked. and i didn't notice anything coming from him. in a way i'd like to know if she was right but i'd feel stupid going there again so soon. he wasn't really my type and i don't think i'd be interested anyway but still...
and yes, it's generally the idea of anyone being interested in me in a fancy-kind-of-way is the most shocking thing to me. things like that don't happen. they just don't. hmph.
blur - song 2