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very happy unbirthday
2003-10-29
so yeah...blablabla...new template...blablabla...i changed it...blablabla...ok, enough about that.
two weeks and two days. two fucking weeks and two fucking days. and then what? my birthday, silly! *sighs in deperation* it looks like i'm gonna spend it locked up in my room. well, that wouldn't be so bad, appreciated even. but the point is...if i stay home, people will have a chance to reach me. the phone will ring, maybe people will come around (though i certainly won't invite anyone) and my mom will spazz out on me when she notices that i locked myself in my room. yeah, right, it sounds pretty much like the best day of my life.
anyway...as muse put it so nicely: time is running out. i need something to do. and i need it fast. i mean...fast enough that i can organise the dirty little details like...getting tickets and stuff. i can't even get shit-faced because that would mean i'd have to go home to leave my car there first. ok, i could get that huuuuggeee collection of bottles full of alcohol as a nice pressie for myself and lock myself up in my room. but drinking a lot = peeing a lot. so i'd have to come out of my hide-out sooner or later and that would mean i'd have to have contact with my family.
uhm...i wanted to be all clever and change the topic now but there's not much more on my mind. well, a very lovely person sent me this looooong video of AFI and it's basically the same performance as the one at terremoto (though i have to admit that i remember it mainly as one big blur of bliss) and that brings back happy thoughts. <3 though i can't choose which part i want to watch. dunno why. it just won't let me move the bar. *sigh* oh no, so i always have to watch a whole hour of AFI. oh, the torture.
uh...yeah, i'll just go and do that now. maybe i'll even study a little first. because...i'm boring, that's why.
one thing, though, kids: it's not an umbrella, it's a PARASOL!!! :]
but since i don't believe i can bear that much fun, i'm desperately trying to think of something to do. i can't take time off work which is good because that means i'll have an excuse until 5pm which is when i'm supposed to get home. i just checked eventim and there's ONE fucking gig around here that day. *groans* it is a FRIDAY, for havok's sake! so yeah, there's one gig in d�sseldorf. and it's only dave gahan. and the ticket's are �45. but i'm still thinking of going to the venue to get me a ticket tomorrow. after all, my work is about 5 minutes from there. i could go during my lunchbreak to get the ticket and i could also go there right after work that day. so i wouldn't have to face anyone (except the other x-hundred people there) until at least 11pm. my boss-woman-thingy will also be off work that day and she's the only one who knows my birthday and there's a chance she'll forget to tell anyone else or even care enough to do so. so basically, no one would be pestering me that day and if i manage to hang out around the venue or burger king or something after the gig and don't get home until midnight and keep my mobile turned off the whole day, i can say "sorry, too late, it's not my birthday anymore" if people finally reach me the next day. i like the sound of that plan.
it's strange...when i was ickle, birthdays were the biggest and best thing in the world. which they are for most kids, i suppose. i always looked at adults and couldn't understand why they didn't freak out on their birthdays like i did. but at the same time, i always knew that one day, i would calm down about it, too. i, however, didn't imagine myself to be so...disgusted by it all. i find birthdays sickening. everything about them. be it because the people i'd like to spend the day with are never around anyway or because people who usually wish you had never been born suddenly act all happy about your presence and all...it doesn't matter. i just despise them.
see, the problem is...people won't accept my anti-birthday-ness. they take it as a personal insult when i tell them to fuck off (tee hee, how dare they?) i mean, it's always the same...i say i hate birthdays and i don't care and blablabla and they choose to ignore me and start all their disgusting cheeriness anyway. and then *I* am the bad girl for choosing to ignore them.
and i mean...i *know* that the day i choose to be all positive about my birthday and stuff people will come around disappointing me like...forgetting about it or whatever. not that that will ever happen, though. *shrugs* i just don't care about birthdays. if they care that much, they can aswell just worship me the whole year, right?
robbie williams - sexed up