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holocaust?
2004-03-28
i'm changing. my life is changing. my friends are changing. everything's changing.
also, i'm feeling like only half a person because i'm carless for the next few weeks. of course, i'm glad that we finally sold the car which brought back a little peace to this family. but it was really sad to see my poor little car leave. i miss it already. i have to drive my mum's car now and it really makes me see just how cool my old one was. i know the new one will totally make up for it because it'll be *MY* car. i think everyone has a car that would be something like their dream car and i'm just lucky that i can also afford mine. with the old one i didn't really like the colour and it had run too many miles and blabla. of course, i fell in love with it in the end but yeah...this time it's perfect. though i'll probably not live to see the day when it finally arrives because i'm sure i'll die of a heart attack before.
other than that...i found out that i can take a shortcut in my apprenticeship after all. if my boss lets me that is. if she doesn't...oh well, i'll just hate her even more which won't be much of a change for me since i already plan to kill her in some quiet moment. can someone say hate?
on friday, we went to roermond with our class and, as expected, it sucked. we arrived there and they immediately started *running* towards that stupid clothes outlet center. i thought the town was really pretty and i would have liked to go shopping there and maybe have a nice drink in one of the cute little caf�s but noooo, we had to run like there was no tomorrow. the outlet center proved to be pretty lame. they only had silly stuff you can get anywhere for not that much money, anyway. like...adidas and puma and stuff. and the discounts weren't too convincing, either. i'm sorry, but driving all the way to the netherlands to buy shoes for 54� that would have normally cost 75� just seems silly. the only cool thing there was a really pretty caf�. it reminded me a bit of starbucks except that the beverages were cheaper and the furniture was slightly funkier. the hot chocolate i had was awesome, though. in the end, annette and i stayed in the caf� for quite some time and let the others just run around the shops. we agreed that we felt like parents who had taken their kids to an amusement park and were now sitting there waiting for their kids to get tired so they could go home. afterwards, the whole class went to a little diner thingie to have lunch but annette, alex, melanie and me got a table a bit further away from the others and it was fun. the food sucked a little but we laughed a lot and had some nice talks. then, i was gutted again because originally, we had planned to take the bus home at 3.16pm so we could have gone shopping downtown a little but because our dear classmates figured their precious outlet center wasn't all that great after all, they wanted to take the bus an hour earlier. so i just rushed into a shop to buy a bag which i had seen in the morning already and instantly fell in love with. it's really awesome, though i mainly bought it so the whole trip had at least one good thing to it.
so yeah...that was pretty much all i had to say for now. not really happy stuff but i suppose i had worse entries before...
for a while now i've been thinking that some friendships are breaking apart. now i'm wondering whether i've been fooling myself because it seems like they've died already. maybe i've just been telling myself that there's still something left, so i could save it all. but i must have been wrong.
it makes me sad but is it really worth to try and save something when you're the only one who cares or even notices? i'm not even sure about how much i still care. i'm not sure if i still want to care. why should i? i think i'll just give up and admit defeat. i know that would be a sign of weakness but really...where's the point in keeping it all up anymore? where's the point in pretending?
the guys in the class, of course, had rushed into the outlet center and straight out again on the other end to run into a coffee shop and get stoned. so, they were acting even sillier than usual and on the way back, we kept being all paranoid that the police on the border would stop us to do their usual drug checks. they wouldn't have found anything with us but by the time they would have figured it out it would have been evening already, i suppose.
the rasmus - funeral song