Home
Archives
Profile
Book
Notes
Mail
Cast
Misc
Rings
Host
the bitter one
2002-08-26
i'm miserable. i'm feeling anxious and misunderstood and left alone and just being treated wrongly. probably, it's just me again. it's always me. i dunno. everyone's just treating me like i was a child. or like i wasn't worth being treated any better. everyone expects ME to shut up or to change or be like they want me to be. if it annoys THEM, why don't THEY change? it's always me who's making mistakes. they don't even make the slightest effort to think about it all and maybe consider the chance that it could be their fault for once. i don't want to give any details or examples because it all seems to small and silly. you have to see the whole of it to see why it annoys me. and i can't give a full list because it's been like that all my life and i doubt the internet has enough space for all the little things that would have to be up on that list. all i can say right now is that, once again, i am sick of it all. i wanna have a different life, different friends, different interests...i wanna be somebody else. i just can't take this anymore. whenever i think it's getting better and i'm actually good enough, someone says something or does something that shows me the opposite. i'm even more afraid of starting my job now. i mean, if i can't even cope with life when i'm NOT working, how am i supposed to deal with everything AND work? i know i'm probably a drama queen again. it's just...too much. i just wish that for once people would leave me alone and care about their own mistakes and problems. it's MY life, not theirs. and i'd appreciate it if i could lead it on my own. it might sound like it and maybe i do need help but it's just that noone ever offers help. they only offer criticism and i don't need that. so, i'd rather do it on my own than with them on my back all the time. it's really getting me down. i spent a lot of time thinking today and didn't really get anywhere. the problem is that i don't wanna think about it. i wanna go and tell everyone what pisses me off about them. but i can't. because they never get what i'm saying. they never get that all i'm trying to do is to be honest with them. they always think i wanna harm them or whatever. in return, of course, they expect ME to always understand everything they do and say.
yes, i am bitter and i don't bloody care if i have the right to feel like that or whatever. thank you.
could someone please shoot me?
bon jovi - captain crash and the beauty queen from mars