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silence is easy?
2004-02-26
we're not talking to each other. my family, i mean. or the members that should still be talking to each other. meaning my mum, my grandpa and me. or mainly my grandpa and me. i am talking to my mum but it doesn't help much because we can't solve the problem.
the problem being "buying a new car". yesterday, we went and asked a local seller and it ended in a disaster. he said he wasn't gonna pay more than 4.800� for my current car. ok, i understand that my grandpa doesn't agree with that but i don't understand how we could end up in the current situation. i don't know...somewhere between agreeing on this and finding a solution, we ended up yelling at each other. i don't know what it's all about. i don't even know what it is that's making me want to kill him right now. ok, i can think of many small things. but i don't know...nothing seems to be enough of an explanation. all i know is that it now all ends up to be my fault again. see, before going in yesterday, i said i wasn't gonna say much simply because i'm not good at doing business talk like that. and what happened? everyone always ended up asking ME? "so, what do you want?" "what do you reckon we should do?" in front of the sales person. i simply didn't know what to say. he was offering us a completely new car and it was PERFECT! what could i have said? would a child say no to a lolly? but it's not my money that's paying for it, so i couldn't say anything. and it pissed me off. but i stayed calm. but in the car, he started telling me how it was wrong to seem so interested. how i did this and that wrong and blabla. so, i freaked out. like...literally freaked out. i was screaming and yelling and crying. and, of course, that was wrong, too.
so, now we're not talking to each other. well, not beyond the "hello"-"goodbye" bits. i thought he was gonna mention it today but obviously that wasn't the plan. i am thinking about simply forgetting about a new car altogether just to get the fucking family talking to each other again.
it's so bloody twisted. no one in this family ever talks about problems. and yes, i am including myself. you just don't talk. and if you do, you ignore the problem. and in the end, people either die or quit talking to each other altogether. like me and my dad. i hate it. i just fucking hate it. maybe i'll just kill myself, so i (being the problem) will be gone and my mum and grandpa can have normal, problemfree talks...
placebo - haemoglobin