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the nightmare before/during/after christmas
2004-12-25
it was really close this year. meaning i was really late with my christmas preparations. i spent most of yesterday morning wrapping my mum's presents and writing her card and all. i bet next year i will be doing my christmas shopping on the 24th. this year, i got it on the 23rd which was hell already. i thought i could just run into the shop and get her stuff during my lunch break. well, i managed but it freaked me out. the street i am working in isn't exactly the busiest shopping mile but it consists mainly of shops that are interesting to people before christmas. and there was also a christmas fair. a small one, mind you, but one day before the holidays you could put a booth that sells eggnogg up right in the middle of nowhere and it would still be crowded. i don't even know what people like about christmas fairs. they sell almost only crap. and the few nice things can't be seen anyway because you always have about 20 people in front of you. and drinking hot beverages in while you're in constant danger of being knocked over by last minute-shoppers?! oh, come on! that is NOT a good idea!
christmas itself isn't going as bad as one would expect. this year, my mum made a point of actually cooking a real festive dinner. usually, we don't really care about it being a "special day" and just eat something we all think we'd like that day. so our history of strange christmas dinners contains things like clams, lasagna or warmed up soup. this year, however, my mum put real effort into it. i don't want to sound ungrateful (which i know i am) but afterwards, i just wanted to throw up. she just put too much cream into the sauce and that just doesn't work well with me, sorry. oh well...the chocolate pudding was nice, anyway.
present-wise, it was a good year. i'm really loving my mum right now because she got me a new computer chair. this means, i probably won't ruin my back completely and i don't spend most of my online time in agony because my butt is hurting.
tomorrow, however, the real nightmare begins as we're visiting my aunt and uncle. it's not actually as bad as i always make it sound, i just wish there wasn't so much pretending in this family. it's just a fact that we're not the brady family and it's time for us to just accept it and get on with your lives, i guess. i'm dreading the drive there, though. a part of me hopes that a snow storm or something will stop us from going.
i spent most of today wondering why my mum is what she is. and how she doesn't notice that she's slowly wasting away. she's not even 50 but she spends more time doing nothing than me. her life seems so boring and pointless to me, yet she seems satisfied with it. i don't know if she's really happy or just thinks there isn't more to life. i know i'm not a party animal myself. i hardly ever do something productive. but at least i think about what i could do. i just end up not doing anything. which is at least as bad but less annoying. maybe i'm just jealous that she manages to be happy with what she has?! i don't know but it worries me sometimes. i mean, what will it be like when i move out? right now, i often just drag her out. like, "yeah, i could go to the mall on my own but i want you with me". i doubt i'll manage to do that when i'm not living here anymore. will she just...rot on the sofa? i mean, she's been off work since the middle of december and she's done hardly anything since then. sure, she gets the necessary things done, like, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc... but it seems like she's forgotten how to have fun. she even complains when people talk her into doing something fun. geez, i hope i won't become like that. or maybe i am like that already? i guess so. i didn't go to a christmas party with my co-workers on the 17th and why? i don't even know.
jimmy eat world - 23