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graf porno bl�st zum zapfenstreich
2003-10-25
germans please note: the title has nothing to do with anything but yes, i was just watching "genial daneben" and the title amused me.
i just updated the about me part which i found back and added to my links menu the other day. it's not very interesting but neither is this diary and if you're reading it, there's a chance you're bored enough to read facts about me as well...
i'm so bored myself today. but it's also been a sucky day. i woke up and the world was just...grey. not even rainy. only grey. and it was also cold. very cold actually. so i just stayed in bed until 3 not wanting to see anyone or do anything. but then i noticed the remote of my vcr was broken and that was the only way to switch channels which now wasn't possible so i was stuck watching re-runs of the osbournes for some time. did anyone else notice how sad the episode was where they show how everyone is having those big things going except jack? i mean, ok it's even worse on the background of knowing about his drug addiction and all and it probably all makes more sense. but i also found it sad before i heard about that and i can't believe they actually made a joke of it. what's funny about a person that's completely lost while everyone else around is too busy with their own life? it makes me wonder if a show would be like this if it was about my life...
anyway...after some time spent watching that and rolling around in my bed, basically drowning in self-pity as usual, i finally got up only to find my mum asleep on the sofa, the cat sleeping next to her and noone else there who could have taken notice of my existence. it was a bit depressing. or...very much actually. i mean, i suppose it is ok if you're living alone as you don't expect anyone to be there. but when you're living with someone and they pay no attention, it is a bit...sad.
uhm...yeah, that pretty much sums up what i did today. which makes me sad again. i could have used this day for so many useful things. i could have studied, could have organised some school stuff, cleaned out my room, decorated it some more...all those good things. but no, i spent it sitting on my arse looking at websites that bored me to death, waiting for people to come online and not talking to them when they did. how sad...
i learnt something very cute about d�sseldorf, lately. apparently, there's a part called "m�rchenland" (fairy tale world) where all the streets have names related to fairy tales sleeping beauty street, cinderella street, etc... i wanna live there. it's so cute. i was also told that it is a very posh part of the town but...isn't d�sseldorf posh anyways? i'd love to live there. i know i'll never be able to afford it and if i will, i'll use the money to go live in london. but still...it would be so cute. "where do you live?" "cinderella road" aww... how cool must it be if you're growing up there? i really hope people who live there know how special it is.
aaaanyway, i shall go back to my miserable existence now. maybe i'll go listen to some AFI because hey, after all, i haven't done that for an incredible total of 8 hours...
so i just positioned myself in front of my laptop. but hardly anyone was on. nothing was on tv, either. so i read some fanfiction the whole day. which only depressed me more because AFI fanfiction just isn't happy. it always starts funky with hunter making some jokes and adam making some pirate-references but then it gets straight to davey being depressed as hell. and you know what? i even like it that way! happy stories annoy me. happy people annoy me, too. as does happy music. and happy things on tv. and anything else related to happiness. which is a strange thing considering that i like pink and sparkly and glittery and cute things so much. but i can't help it. depression and sadness and misery suit me so much better than cheeriness. i think most people are actually shocked when they see me smile or laugh. i don't even like my face when it looks happy. ok, that doesn't count. i don't like my face PERIOD. but i dislike it even more when it's smiling. i also never know how to react when people tell me they're happy. because being happy for them is something i can't come up with, really. or very rarely. and if i do, i can't show it. sad creature that i am...
the darkness - i believe in a thing called love