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i am in love with my stereo
2002-07-25
i wish there was any word to describe how useless i am feeling right now. the whole day has been rather crap. i've had the constant feeling to be a total bore for everyone. like i was only wasting their time and getting on their nerves. i dunno if this is true or if i'm only imagining things or if the people around me have just been complete wankers for a day or something. but it's really getting to the point where i just wanna give everyone a big "fuck you!" because it doesn't seem like i can do anything do change the current situation.
oh, i just mentioned placebo. that reminds me...stef has posted another post on the sr forum, yesterday. that made me happy. but i really don't understand the guy. he'd damn sexy and cute and just adorable and just...amazing. yet, he can never ever ever take credit for anything he's done. not even for his posts on the board. i mean, it's obvious that steve and brian can't get off their butts to post something themselves. so, it would only be fair for stef to only sign posts with his own name. but he always signs with all three names. and i am 100% sure that the other two don't even know that he's gonna post something or anything. don't get me wrong, i am not bitching here. if they have more important things to do or whatever, it's fine with me. but stef just doesn't need to always give them credits for everything. i mean...i'm not signing my entries here with all my friends' names, either, just because they're mentioned a few times and all.
becca's signed my glitterbook and reminded me of the "bonus track" on ash's "1977" and instead of signing hers to reply, im gonna write something here because that reminded me of the "song". i forgot to mention how disgusting i am suddenly finding it. i used to find it incredibly funny and i even thought about doing something like that myself next time i get that pissed. but now, i just find it bah! well, not as bah as a dead hedgehog whose organs are lying around 5 miles away from the body on the highway (am i not sweet?) but quite bah... probably, it would get 8 out of 10 on a bah scale.
sabrina's coming round tomorrow to pick her hamsters up. i don't think she'll stay for long, tho. probably, her mom will be with her and they'll just take the hamsters and leave again. it'll be good to see her again, tho. maybe i can even talk her into doing something on the weekend or sometime next week.
btw...andrew (the owner of the whole thing here) seems to have some problems with the whole thing at the moment. that, actually means my stats aren't working properly and i hate that. i love my stats. i keep looking at them and it's strangely entertaining to see all those IPs and the referrers and shit. now, it's saying i haven't had any visitors for 12 or so days and that's soooo not true. just look at my other counter and glitterbook entries. and my banner click through thingie is still at 3%, too. sooo...the stats are not working. i e-mailed andrew but either he didn't get my mail OR he's ignoring me OR he's on (shock!) vacation. bah! i want my stats to work. *whines*
anyway, i think i'm gonna go and watch velvet goldmine again. or something.
i'm only getting one-syllable answers, if any at all. mostly, people just don't listen at all. or, so it seems. i dunno if they ARE listening and only crap at showing it.
i wanted to call mariam earlier but decided that, if my luck would keep on, i'd piss her off, too. and i really couldn't stand another person showing me how boring and useless i am.
sooo...i've been hiding in my room for most of the day. except for picking my mom up from work (as if the bitch would have deserved it today) and visiting my grandparents (which was completely pointless, too, because my grandpa cared more about his new vcr than about me and my grandma was feeling sick and kept falling asleep). i managed to finally put (almost) all my CDs back into their cases. my "without you i'm nothing" case has disappeared and so has my "deadly happy" album by andreas johnson. and the emergency case is going on right now: i have only space left for about 5 more CDs. that again means i have to get a new rack or something but i dunno where to put one. i already have three. i tried to talk my mom about it because usually she has quite good ideas when it comes to that kinda stuff but, surprise surprise, she wasn't even listening. it sucks, tho, because i was planning to buy about 10 or more CDs in the near future. and i definitely have to get a new "whatever" for my CDs within the next few months because i don't want the new placebo album to be "homeless" when it arrives.
well, ok, so ash aren't really that much of my faves anymore. BUT today, i fell in love with the donots' "amplify the good times". i dunno why that happened now, tho. i remember listening to it the first 2 or 3 times and thinking that it wasn't quite as good as "pocketrock". now, i just dig it. well, it's still not as good as the just mentioned one but that's because it was the first donots album i got and you usually have a special love for such albums.
i also noticed how much i love my CD collection. it's grown rather large by now. there might not be that many bands/artists in it but i definitely love (almost) all of them. well, i can't say that i'm particularly proud of my vanessa amorosi album or my schlager-collection but i've bought all those CDs for a reason and noone can say it's a boring collection. *sigh* the only problem is that i can never decide what to listen to. i always go like "hmm...i could listen to orgy again...or andreas johnson? no, i think i'll listen to train. oh, look, marilyn manson. nah, let's listen to a good old savage garden record" and in the end, i fall asleep or something.
oh btw, my mom's planning to call the telekom tomorrow. that's the place where i'm supposed to start my apprenticeship in 1.5 months. i'm not sure if that's good or not. she wants to ask if they want to employ me now and if so when i have to expect the contract being sent to me. but first of all, this looks soooo crap...my mom calling in there. but i don't wanna do it myself. if they're gonna say they won't employ me i don't want to hear it from them. i'd rather get a letter. but there doesn't really seem to be a way of getting my mom off this thought. just because i told her how much her always-optimistic attitude pisses me off. it's been bugging me for ages but today i told her. apparently, it hurt her quite a bit but that's not my problem. i mean...at some point she actually has to face the truth. and i really don't want to be the dumbass if things don't turn out the way she wants them to. and that will happen at some point. it always happens. i am not even talking about me not getting this job. but she always makes things seem sooo peachy in her head but things aren't always bright and happy. i mean, she got her job in the 70's and hasn't ever had to find a new job and she got hers pretty easily and now she thinks things are still that easy and positive but they aren't. she knows about the job-finding problems but somehow she doesn't really get that everyone's affected by it and not just the people in the news. and i mean, i have been pretty much a genius compared to the other kids when i was in primary school. so, she still thinks i'm a bit of a wonder-child and i'm soooo talented and i know everything. she even said my crap marks at the old school were all my teachers' fault. but you know...my primary school class was full of turkish/russian/arabian kids who didn't speak any proper german, so it wasn't too surprising that i was doing better than them, considering that they almost didn't understand our teacher at all. i dunno, i just hate her attitude. i don't wanna be hyped all the time. it's normal for a mother to think very highly of her kids but she has this huuuge image of me in her head that i can never live up to. and apart from that i don't even want to be a genius or something. i already feel pretty alienated from the world, anyway. just imagine me being not only a freak but a highly intelligent freak!!!
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