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Life lies a slow suicide
2002-03-24
gawwd, i'm such a bloody bigmouth. someone should stuff a huge banana into my mouth and make sure it never gets out again. didn't i previously say i hate arguments? so why do i always try my best to get into them, then? why do i just have to open my big fucking gob every bloody time? why can't i just keep it shut and just THINK what i wanna say?
stay beautiful!
and why do i always have to be so damn sarcastic? actually, sarcasm is a good thing and it cracks me up. unfortunately, that's just me. most people seem to be incredibly offended by it.
don't get me wrong. i don't really give a fuck if i'm hurting people by it. ok, sometimes i do, but... i mean, they know what i'm like (and if they don't know, they don't know me and i don't know them and then it doesn't matter anyway) and they should stop being so damn sensitive about every bloody thing. it's just...i can't take that anymore! 'oh, you're so mean' 'you really didn't need to be so unfair' 'that was so harsh' 
gawwd, that's me! and they know it. and they also know that it annoys me to always behave like a was caught in a susan sarandon film. i can't be like that. i wanna be a bitch. i wanna be sarcastic. and i mean, if they come on like complete kids and all, i just don't wanna play along. or actually, that's not the point. usually it's just that i don't agree with their opinion and while most of my friends have a habit of arguing/discussing the matter and trying to convince me that their opinion's amazing, i just wanna let the topic die.
it's those times that my bitchy self annoys me the most. i have to admit, sometimes my tone's pretty harsh but pleeeaaase, could people please stop giving me crap for it? 
i especially hate it when i don't hear anything from them for aaaages and during that time several idiotic things happen to me and i'm really pissed off and suddenly they come to the surface again and demand that i'm 100% there for them. helloooooo?! i do have a life of my own, you know? 
ok, i hate people who think they're the center of the universe, anyway. and even more do i hate people who think they're the center of MY universe. like, what on earth do they think i am doing while not talking to them? am i something like a toy that's just sitting there, waitint til they can use me? i actually do things while they're not talking to me, you know?! i talk to other people and i do things for myself and i watch telly and i even do important things every once in a while. my life might be boring and you'll might be so much more important and exciting and creative than me. and you might have better looks and better clothes and be oh-so-cool but this is still my life, even if it's not cool enuff for you! ever thought that maybe it's so uncool because i'm simply not trying to be cool? maybe i just don't want that. or maybe i just realised that being myself is a lot better than pretending to be someone (or something) that i'm not. and i'm so sorry if that's not good enough for you but it's your choice. accept it or leave!
gawwd, i sound like a tv preacher! i'm scaring myself. 
but seriously, i noticed that among my friends and people i know it is very common to try and be something that you're not. and they're also using silly status symbols like numbers of posts on message boards, signatures, clothes, whatever... i know that's part of today's society and you can find it everywhere and probably i'm more or less guilty of it myself. but i know i'm not as bad as some people i know. they're SO losing the plot. and it especially annoys me since i know them. if i look at all those trendies on the street, they make me laugh. but if the people are my friends, it just pisses me off. and if they then try to make ME believe that that stuff really matters and that it's that what really makes them cool, it's just sad. do they really think i'm that shallow? 
:::liebling:::
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