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And when I'm really ill, won't you cradle me?
2006-01-25
Lately, I've come to the conclusion that there are people in my life whom I just can't stand to be around / talk to a lot. Though I might like them a lot and value them as friends, they clearly drag me down. One person more than others, though. I just can't seem to be able to deal with that amount of negativity anymore. It's like it's slowly poisoning me. I don't really notice it so much most of the time. But whenever I decide to take a break for whatever reason, I notice it. I suddenly feel like I can breathe again once I managed to get rid of that weight. And although I really miss this person after a few days and am relieved to get back to our usual contacts, they immediately start pulling me down again. And whenever I try to just refuse to let them do this to me, I end up being the bad one.
Anyway, onto less mysterious and sad topics.
I should really start having totally horrible feelings about every interview (not that that was such a huge step from here). Yesterday rocked. I was woken up by a phone call telling me that Miss Temp Agency of Doom (hihihaha) was sick. Who would have thought mean and ethically incorrect wishes like that would come true?! So her boss would jump in and accompany. The upside was that he had another appointment in Cologne so we could go in separate cars. I was still gutted about even having to go because I really wasn't in the best of moods yesterday. So after some really nice traffic situations which I will leave out now, we finally arrive in Cologne and he even pays for my parking ticket. He's actually a pretty nice and laid-back guy. Although he's also pretty talkative which annoyed me after half an hour. And he has some strange obsession with telling me about his bladder's activities. Eww. Also, as you know, I don't like to give out names in this diary unless it's my friend's first names which doesn't really give you any important information anyway. But let's just say his name's one of everybody's favourite male body part. Oh, the amusement!
Wow, how and when did this get so negative again? I'm not actually in a bad mood today. I'm just bored. I spent last Friday night puking in the bathroom and then wasn't really up to anything until Monday which was when my Mom came down with the same stomach flu. We were planning to go to the Gym on Saturday which obviously couldn't be done. Then we wanted to go on Monday, which didn't happen either. Then we wanted to go to the mall yesterday, but nope. Today, the same plan was cancelled. So I'm just moping around all day and I'm so goddamn bored and ready to stab myself if I see one more stupid reality show. Nevertheless, I'm back to watching TV now. Who knows what I could miss?!
PS: Even if this makes me a really pathetic and fanatical copycat: Listen to The Start of Something by Voxtrot. kthxbye.
I don't know...it's just too much. I have enough negativity inside me for myself. I don't need someone to just blacken the bright moments for me. It seems I really have to cut down on speaking to this person. Or anyone who makes me feel like that. It's just sad because I like these people very much and their friendship means a lot to me...
The interview itself was surprisingly good. The people were so nice and not �ber-posh and arrogant like I expected. It really made me want to start working there immediately. They said they will have decided on someone by Monday. Part of me wants them to choose me. But there are so many disadvantages compared to the other job. First of all, it's in Cologne. Right in the downtown of Cologne, to be precise. This would mean going by train everyday. The job will most likely end in about a year. This means moving to Cologne would be a stupid stunt pulled when I don't even know if I'll be able to stay there. Also, the earliest shift starts at seven in the morning. This means catching a train at around 6. And getting up at 5 at the very latest. I don't know how long I would be able to put up with this. But the job itself sounds really awesome and easy to handle. Also, I liked the athmosphere a lot. It's mostly the one year limit that bothers me. They said there was a chance the company would hire me after all (in the beginning, it would still be a temp thing) but right now it doesn't seem likely.
In the very unlikely case that both companies decide to want me, I'll still choose the one here. I'd be stupid not to. Even though the thought of slowly making my way into the direction of Cologne and D�sseldorf seems tempting. But knowing my luck, I will end up with nothing again. I haven't sent out any applications since...the middle of this month. There's just no energy left at the moment. Of course, this results in only getting old ones back with the usual excuses. I especially like the sentence "Please don't see this as us judging your professionality, personality or skills." Hahaha. No?! Then what were you judging? I prefer letters that just don't say anything at all. I mean, if they're way too busy to write some small constructive line about what exactly wasn't right, don't try to write up some standard bullshit. Just write "Here's your folder. Thanks for sending it. kthxbye."
Voxtrot - The Start of Something