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And If I Fall...
2007-04-23
I am so excited I can hardly breathe. It's only roughly 11 hours until I have to go pick Kimie up. Or...no, 10 hours. Or...no, I don't know. Math really is the last thing I can think of right now. Today was so bad because the typical crap hit me once again. It always happens before I do something I'm really excited about. I go all "no, I don't want to do it after all". I know it's never true and it will always pass but it really sucks. I was all unmotivated and a little mournful because I know today was the last time I saw my mom before the trip and when I get back I will actually move into my new flat so it's an end of sorts. Also, this is one of the biggest things I've never done so I'm scared and nervous. I know I'll be fine, just like I was after all the other first times in my life. But it's still so scary and I can't help nearly killing myself over it.
I felt a little bad about leaving work on Friday, though. I know I should just feel happy about getting the hell out of there but I feel responsible for a lot at the moment. Mainly for adding a little calm to the dispute between B. and S. They've been arguing so much lately and I'm stuck in the middle. Thing is, they don't even know they're arguing. They know they're not each other's favourite person but they don't know what exactly the other's thinking. But I know. And I've been working so hard to smooth things out lately. I know it would probably be better to stay the hell out of it but I'm in so deep already. It's so difficult to keep things to myself when I know they're planning things which are basically a disaster waiting to happen. So I just give them little hints that the other is planning this or that. Or I actually encourage them to do this and that differently. It sucks because it's all about minor things and if they'd actually sit down for a quiet talk and try to actually start just accepting that there were misunderstandings and no, neither of them is doing things on purpose, it'd be half as bad. I seem to be doing quite a good job because I got them settle their latest fight quite peacefully on Friday. So I'm a little worried about what will happen in the four weeks that I'm gone.
But right now, I must focus on AFI. Which is scary enough. 12 times! Holy fuck!!!
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