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who am i?

2002-09-22


i wouldn't describe my life as interesting. nor would i describe it as boring. well, not technically. compared to other people of my age, i'm probably a walking sleeping pill. but i think being different is what makes someone interesting.
i have no idea why i am writing about this now. i just thought about my life and who i am today. well, 10 minutes ago to be precise. i went to see "about a boy" with sabrina today and it was quite interesting to see how hugh grant's character could describe himself so easily. so, i thought about how i would describe myself and i have no idea. i don't really know who i am or who i want to be. i don't have a style like goth, hip...whatever. i don't really know what i like or want, either. if you ask me to describe my kind of music i say "uh...". i always choose the middle way. in online quizzes, i always choose questions that aren't on side A or side B but something in the middle. so, i always get the "in the middle"-result as well. it always says "you're not blabla but not yaddayadda, either". which is just a nice way of saying "listen, motherfucker, you're just indecisive and you're to shitty to actually give a yes or no as an answer, so get a fucking grip of yourself and take a stand!"

whatever...it's not something that gets me down. i'm not depressed or anything. i just happen to think about such things a lot and i think i should do something about that. i think for the past years i've been paying too much attention to who people want me to be. i'm always worrying if i'm dressed alright or if my behaviour might be offensive. because i want to fit in. well, no...that's not really all true. at least not 100%. this makes it seem like i was a little britney-clone and tried to be cool all the time which is not the case. but generally, i do pay attention to what people think a lot. which i hate. i like it when people are just themselves and i'd love to be like that but i can't.

anyway, enough about that...
i seriously and honestly will never go to the cinema after 10. it was full of morons. i thought i was in a zoo. they constantly got fits of laughter and or talkes shit or were drunk and thought they were cool because they could make an ass of themselves. and it just annoyed me because the movie was really cool (well...hugh grant...hehe) and i've been dying to see it for ages but noone wanted to go with me. and now, i didn't get a few scenes because some people thought they had to play the entertainer. *grumbles*

anyway, i shall go to bed now. it's the day of the election here tomorrow and my mom actually wants to go down to the pub and vote after lunch. which means i won't be able to sleep til 6 or longer. eep! well, i guess i'm gonna have a look at asg before anyway...


the calling - camino palmero



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