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Hey, Miss Murder can I...

2006-04-21


On May 19th, my life shall be coming to an early end. I am finally gonna see AFI and with the excitement that was built up during the process of even getting a ticket, I am not sure I will manage to survive the actual gig. You had to be among the first 100 to mail the presenter if you wanted to have a ticket reserved for you. Yesterday, the confirmations were sent out. I thought I hadn't got one because I didn't receive the mail before 8:30 PM. The hour or two between finding out the first few had got a confirmation already and actually receiving mine were pretty much rock bottom for me. I haven't felt that depressed in months or maybe even years. It's sick what such a comparably small thing can do to me and I am fully aware that I'm letting it happen because I just let myself become so passionate about some things. It's the same with people. Whenever I let someone in, they have full power over my emotions. The problem is that it is impossible for me to make them see this and even if they knew, it would be impossible for them to walk around on egg shells around me all the time. So in conclusion, I am fucked!
Anyway, so I am finally gonna see them. And it looks like almost all the people who are the most important to me (friend-wise) are gonna be there, as well. I might also be meeting a lot of the people I've been talking to on the German AFI board for ages now. And I think it makes me nervous because I'm aware that it could result in a lot of drama in some cases. Probably mostly in my head, though. As usual.
But I am determined to not let any bad feelings disturb me for now. This is all just too awesome for that. I also have the day off for the gig. It's in Berlin and Tanja and me want to leave early to check in at the hotel first and still have plenty of time. I'm amazed at how smoothly things are going so far.

Enough about that for now. The more I talk about it, the more excited do I get. And when I can't get more excited, my mind gets bored and starts thinking about the things that could go wrong and it tries to convince myself that it is not that great. No, we don't want that.

Instead, I am going to have a little rant about bad service now. Today, I went shopping. I wanted to get even more MAC stuff. So I went to the make-up store. The usual shop assistant wasn't there which already upset me because she is so great and always helps me a lot. It wouldn't have been that bad but the chick who helped me instead was doing my tits in. First of all, I asked for mascara and eyeliner and she asked about five million questions that were completely unrelated. Also, she kept asking which mascara I wanted and I was getting frustrated because she just wouldn't understand that I had never used MAC mascara before and didn't know which kinds they had. Finally, we decided on one and she also got the little pot of eyeliner. Hooray. Then, I needed a brush to apply the foundation and one for the eyeliner. She got the one for the foundation and stared at me, going "You know how much it costs, right?". Well, I didn't but I was totally prepared for it to be insanely expensive and didn't care anyway because I just need a good quality brush. She told me it was 41 �. So yes, I was a little shocked but kept my cool and told her I'd take it. After all, it really doesn't matter because it's not like I need a new one everyday. It just annoys me how she assumes I can't afford it or don't know that MAC stuff is expensive. Why would I walk straight to the MAC part of the store and ask for a brush by them if I had no idea what it was? And just because I'm wearing band shirts and jeans and don't arrive in a goddamn Gucci dress doesn't mean I can't afford it. At least, I don't have to work as some part time whore in retail and probably have to sell my ass for some additional money. Bitch!
So yeah, she then also gave me the eyeliner brush and finally checked me out. Man, I was ready to kill her because she also talked and talked and talked like I was too dumb to understand how to clean a goddamn brush. I've used brushes before. Yes, I know how to clean them and even if I didn't, I'd be able to understand how brush it over some cleansing liquid several times without you repeating yourself several times, thank you very much.
I hate it when shop assistants treat me like an idiot. I'm not one to say they need to be down on their knees for me because I'm buying something. But what's the problem with just being polite and keeping some distance simply because they don't know me and it's how you should treat a stranger? I'm so annoyed. I hope she won't be there next time. It really ruins the fun. Plus I spent 90 � on the stuff. Maybe I would have also spent it with the other woman but it irritates me to think that while I was buying it, my only thought was "Ha? See, bitch! I'll pay any price!"

Okay, I've had my rant. Now I need my bed. Desperately.


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