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life for sale!
2002-09-20
does anybody need a new life? want mine? i'm giving it away for free. maybe someone out there's better at being me. i seem to suck ass. i seem to never do a right thing. i piss everyone off and people think i hate them and they don't wanna be my friends and if they do, i piss them off as well.
i guess i'll have to move out soon. i don't want to and i think i already mentioned what i like about this place in a previous entry. but i can't deal with my grandfather anymore. it's been ages since i spent an evening in the living room. because he's there. and he talks so much and so loudly and is basically so annoying, it already started to be depressing. it sounds stupid but it really is. because you're forced to listen for hours. and a conversation isn't possible, either. today, i think, something broke completely. we were arguing about something. i can't even remember what exactly it was. we talked about environment and cars and pollution and speed limits and whatever and suddenly, he gave me all that shit about "you don't know anything anyway". and i can't stand such crap. i have no problems to admit it if i'm wrong, but if someone gives me the whole "i'm older than you, so i'm wiser than you" thing i'm freaking out. so, i told him that, just because he's good at preaching things doesn't necessarily mean he knows everything. and guess what he said? not "that's offensive" or something, noooo, just "i knew you hated me all the time". WTF? i hate him because i don't think 100% of what he's saying is right? fine, in that case, i hate about 100% of the world's population. i really really hate him for saying that. that actually hurt more than anything. he's basically taking away my freedom of speech because any kind of criticism will mean i hate him. and that's unfair. that's childish. little kids always think everybody who doesn't cuddle them, hates them. adults should be a little more mature, goddammit.
whatever, i should have gone out with sabrina, today. i really should. it was planned but i was suffering from a toothache last night and couldn't sleep much, so i ask her if we could to that next week and she was fine with that. so, i stayed home and got in trouble instead. fuck me. i'm really turning more and more into nicky wire's female clone or something. i suffer from loads of little illnesses, i noticed that hoovering *is* fun, i think his lifestyle is cool, i prefer staying in and watching tv to going out and dancing my arse off, i luv and wear stuff like featherboas and tiaras occasionally tho i'm *so* not the type for that...it's almost scary. or maybe i'm becoming him because i'm so manics-obsessed at the moment and i've been reading "everything" for ages which has loads of details about nicky's dorkiness and all...
see? once i've spent a while in my room with people i like (placebo, manics, my two invisible friends...) i feel loads better. as soon as i go into the living room, i'll get terrorised again and that makes me paranoid and i'm already grumpy while *planning* to go there. fuck fuck fuck.
ooohhh...is there anyone else who'd like to see a placebo/manics duet-gig? with james singing and stef and steve and sean (the three s's. hehe.) playing and brian and nicky giving us a "show". heheeeeee. gawd, that would be sooo fantastic. i guess i'd travel to mars to see that or something.
yeah, i'll shut up now. because i have to deal with another problem: i seriously need to go to the loo (no, that's not the problem, yet) and i need to pass the living room to get there. oooooooooohhhhh.... o.O
ps: I WANT A SCROLL MOUSE!!!!!!!
anyway, i don't think i'll be able to live with this any longer. he's ruining my family life. my mom's already always sticking up for him. which i'm pissed off by, as well, but i knew that would happen, so it's not a surprise or anything.
i, however, seriously thought this would become a fucking great day because when i woke up, my toothache was gone, i saw the "special k" vid before work, i only had to work til 2, i got another manics live vid today... what a rotten ending. well, not really, because i'm watching the video and that'll probably be the last thing i do today, so only the stuff before the ending will be bad because i've just seen nicky do his make-up and i don't think anything could spoil that anymore, now.
*cries while watching/listening to "no surface all feeling"* isn't it a beautiful song? *sigh*
ok ok, so i bloody am drowning in tennybopper-fantasies here. but, fuck it, i've been a mature fan for ages. well, more mature than most other music fans i know. so, since i am so seriously pissed off with real life, i think i deserve dreaming me into my own little world. believe it or not, but i actually have a little video of that imaginary gig playing in my head atm. oh, yey.
manic street preachers - everything live