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more emo stuff
2002-11-19
ok, the first *real* problems are starting to come up at work. they might seem minor to some people but they make me feel really shit. well, so the main thing is that i feel misunderstood. though, that's probably not the right way of putting it but the only way i can think of right now. it's just like i feel i'm being pushed into a role that's not me. see, i try to be funny a lot. or actually, i don't try very hard, people just seem to find the things i say and do funny which is always quite alright. but now, it's come to a point where they don't seem to take me serious at all anymore. being funny is ok for a certain time because it allows you to leave all the serious stuff behind and maybe hide bad sides from other people. but i mean, that can't be it. they don't care at all. i was seriously pissed off today because our current task just sucks and we can't get on with it at all and i was really trying to let off steam and they all just started laughing because they thought i was trying to be funny. well, I did not find myself funny at all. and i mean, when it comes to the point that i actually tell them i'm not joking, it should set a certain limit to them fooling around. but it didn't. i dunno, it just pisses me off how they sometimes watch me to find something to laugh about. i'm not their personal entertainer.
on a lighter note, i finally got robbie's new album. it's ace. i'm so glad i like it because i wasn't too fussed about the last one and i've always admired the guy so much, so i was worried one of my obsessions would leave me. but yeah, it's great. and he's also coming on tour again. so, i shall go and try to order tix now... :D
ok, so, being funny...that's not even really me but i figured that would be easier since there's no way of getting around being with your co-workers for a big part of the day. but it's really worrying now. i could stand in front of them and slash my wrists and they'd think i was joking. ARGH! dunno about anyone else but i hate that. i wanna be taken serious. i hardly get that anyway. most of the time, i think people don't really get me, so they either laugh or don't listen. i dunno...i'm still way too emotional and probably i'm exaggerating things and seeing problems where there aren't any...
robbie williams - sexed up