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seven days in the sun
2005-07-18
lately, i've really come to hate questions about my future plans. ok, that is a lie. i've always had a strong dislike for them. but usually, people never asked such questions. now they do. last weekend, maja did, annette did, my mum did. the following conversation has been going on between me and them in at least a similar sound:
them: so, are you planning to get a better school degree?
i'm sorry, i don't have any plans. yes, there are a million things i should do / could do. i know that i should do a lot more. i should try to find another job, get myself signed back in with that school, try calculating around and finding my own place. but i can't. because i don't know what i want. i am 22 and i have no idea what on earth i want to do with my life. the truth is that i feel like an 8 y.o. who doesn't know whether they want to take up ice-skating or gymnastics. there are endless possibilities and yet, the choice is so very limited. i feel like i'm being pushed into a life that i don't want to have. an ordinary life. what's bad about being ordinary, i don't really know. i just never felt like i could exist with a normal life. see, anything that might seem ordinary always turned me off. you know those low budget tv films that are supposed to have no glamour about them? "just like everyday life" i hate them. i can't stand watching them. and i don't want to be like the people in them. i don't want to be a big rockstar or a model or whatever. i just want to...mean something to someone. just...BE someone. maybe it's not even about WHAT i will do but how i will feel about doing it. maybe i don't have to become a famous movie star in order to feel glamourous about what i am doing.
apart from that there's nothing new to write about. i still hate my job. currently, it's slightly worse because they started a lovely new competition which ends up in a team vs. team fight. which, of course, helps to improve the already friendly atmosphere. it also led to a nice inner team-war cos our TL is totally against the whole competition. hooray.
the good news in short:
yup, that's it. i'm out.
me: uhm...yeah?!
them: cool, when and how?
me: er...
them: but you must have something planned? what about a new job?
me: ... *blank stare*
them: and when are you planning to move out?
me: i...wow, awesome weather, eh?
booked my holiday. whoo. 7 days in the sun.
ordered my chemical romance tickets. which means i'm gonna meet tanja soon.
maja visiting in august/september.
foo fighters - best of you