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karl ranseier ist tot.

2003-06-18


public transport sucks. big time. it's not as bad as i expected it as it only takes about half an hour to get to school but it still sucks. i haven't really been on trains (not the long-distance ones) and busses for months or years. so it annoys me. because i don't know what to pay attention to, anymore. for example i ended up in the smokers part of the train twice today. i didn't even know you were allowed to smoke on trains. i thought that wasn't possible anymore as you mustn's smoke on planes anymore, either. and i mean, i don't mind smokers as much as i used to anymore. almost not at all. but i mean, they needn't do it in such small rooms, do they?
also, you meet really strange and disgusting people. i don't mean to sound clich� now but today there was this guy sitting on the seat across from me and you could immediately tell what he was like. he was black (no, that alone wasn't the problem, of course) and the kind that tries to suck up to german women to get a visa. i hate that. so i turned up the volume on my MD player and ignored him entirely.
and in the morning i had some even more disgusting people sitting across from me: a perfect couple. yuck! she: pretty, perfect make-up, perfect hair, loads of decent and shiny but very light jewellery, kind of snobbish and prude. he: sporty, handsome, gelled-back hair, designer clothes. BAH! and they were holding hands, smiling at each other, talking in that tone and volume that says "ha, you have to notice we're talking and you have to notice it's happy in love-talk but you mustn't hear what it is about". and she was constantly flashing her diamond rings ("look, he's MINE") and looking at people without really looking. i hate such people. hate them, hate them, hate them. they're whole behaviour said that they felt superior to everyone else on the train. i mean, yes, i wish i had a better life but i wouldn't necessarily want to be like that. i wouldn't want her hair colour, make-up, body and most certainly not her guy. and i hate it when people immediately assume that i am jealous of things i don't even like.
i think without my MD player i wouldn't survive it at all. music is just so awesome.

i seem to have fallen in love with afi. at least everything i've heard pretty much rocks. doh! another clich� i have to give into.

i have to be the most boring 20 year-old ever. today i got home from school about 2 and went to bed again and slept til 8.30.
strangely, the day at school wasn't so bad. i even found myself looking at the 'monkeys' a few times and not thinking anything bad. we even joked with them a little. which was scary and strange. they were also pretty quiet all day. instead things with annette and me seemed a little wrong for the first few lessons but then worked out ok again. i don't know. some people just confuse me at the moment. they don't seem to know what they want or what they want me to say or do. and personally, i feel way too tired and weak to actually think about it all. whenever i think about it it causes me a headache and never come to a conclusion anyway.

i'll go to bed again as the world seems to much better when i'm asleep.


afi - girl's not grey



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