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Stop this pain tonight

2006-01-18


One word: agony. I went to gym yesterday. For what was the first workout this year, I think. I'm in pain right now. I don't even know why I didn't go there earlier. The holidays were an excuse but ever since after New Year's, I had no real one anymore. I even bought new sweatpants two weeks ago. Go me. But today totally teaches me to never take such a long break anymore. The thought of wanting to die already came up when I was using the chest press. But today, I am all ready to shoot myself. If only I could lift my arm high enough to aim at my head. Maja called today and I don't think I ever found it that hard to keep the receiver to my ear. Ouch.

Everybody be proud of me, please. I think the whole world's downloaded at least a snippet of the new Placebo album by now. But I'm sticking to my vow not to do it this time around. It really upset me last time. So I'm definitely not going to do it again. It just sucks because the Placebo Forum is probably the one place on the net I spend most of my time at and I'm finding it hard to avoid the album talk. But no no no. No download for me. Admittedly, other than people talking about it, the temptation isn't that strong because I haven't exactly been immensely into the band lately. Which I think wasn't a huge secret. And I heard Because I Want You on the radio and wasn't that impressed. So waiting 'til March doesn't seem like such a hard thing to do. But still, I like to see myself as one of the few ones with a strong will. Yup.

On to the next topic: The trial work went insanely well. It wasn't actually "work" at all because I didn't do anything but let them explain stuff to me and try to seem as nice as possible so they will like me. Which seemed to work. I hope. I decided to just go for the truth this time around: I want this job. I really do. I know it's uncool to say that and it's not me at all. I should be saying how it's all just so unimportant and how I don't really care. And then I should proceed to point out all the things that suck about the company, the work, the area, the people...everything. But let's face it: It's just not gonna work anymore. The offer is just too great to make it sound like a bad thing. Unfortunately, the woman in charge of the whole human resources / recruiting thing is on holiday right now and won't be back before the 30th. Yet more agony. The waiting is killing me. I can't really think of any good reason why they would not want me as everything seemed really good. But you never know what people are really thinking. So I'm all nervous and impatient.

Yesterday, the temp agency woman of doom called again to let me know about the job in Cologne. After WEEKS of not getting back to me at all, she finally decides to call NOW. I was all unnerved and trying to tell her that I probably have something already. But she kept talking me into it until I agreed to go have a look at the place in Cologne on Tuesday. I can't even begin to tell you how unenthusiastic I am about this. It means getting up hella early, get ready, drive all the way to D�sseldorf and then let her drive us to Cologne. Which is going to end in a huge disaster because it didn't exactly sound like she knows the way there. And she's probably gonna bitch at me for still not sending her new pictures of myself. Awesome. I must stop making little excuses / lies. I should start to just tell people that I don't think wasting money on getting new pictures taken each time I change the slightest thing about my hair isn't gonna do the trick.
Man, I want to back out of this so badly, but there's not really a way to do that...

My whole desk is full of empty batteries. I hate my stupid wireless mouse. Why does it eat batteries like Mick Jagger eats pussy?! Bah.

Sorry, random outburst there. I need to go watch Sideways now. The DVD must be sent back soon because I can get one more before the 24th.


Blink 182 - I Miss You



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