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disturbed

2004-07-17


i feel...i feel rather not so good right now. the old bad feeling is back. the "i'm worthless and annoying and people just want me to piss off" one i mean. there are some people i'd really like to talk to at the moment but i just don't because i feel like they'll be annoyed by me. it used to be way worse a few years back. surprisingly, i think it had something to do with my dad (like basically everything else, i suppose), because he always gave me the feeling of being just a heavy load he had to carry around.
also, i'm very easily annoyed myself, so i guess i kind of think that it's the same with other people.
i can't even remember the last time i had a *real* conversation with someone. like...really telling the other person how i feel and them telling me. i suppose it was one of those "friendship in a crisis"-talks with maja and that's quite a few weeks ago and doesn't really count because if a negative situation is kind of forcing you into a corner and talking about feelings is inevitable it can't count.

you know...sometimes it actually makes me sad that i'm not musically talented. that shitload of drama which is going on in my head each day would make excellent heartache and whatnot songs. i could have at least two platinum albums in my discography already.

another sad thing is that i was at the mall today (no, that's not sad, yet). there was this..."exhibition" thing from a national radio station. i'd heard of it before. whenever they have celebrities over for an interview, they just keep something the people have left behind. for example notes taken by them, cigarettes, bottles, whatever. it's basically just a small collection of random stuff that everyone could have used/owned. they take it from place to place and just put it somewhere for people to have a look. you don't have to pay and it's not a big deal. i didn't even know they had the stuff in the mall now. actually, the last time i had heard of it was about a year ago, so i thought they were done with it now. but obviously, i was wrong. so, i went and had a look and you know what the sad thing is? i *knew* they'd have placebo stuff there and i was also able to tell what it was without seeing it first. in fact, while going over to the place, i said "so, let's have a look at brian's glass and cigarettes." duh!
apart from the fact that the whole thing is pretty silly, some of the things were really pointless. with placebo, you could at least guess that it was theirs or used by them because there were pictures on the site of the station which showed them with it. but other stuff was just so random. there was a stained tea cup which was supposed to have been used by robbie williams but seriously...anyone could have drunken from it. and some people just left weird things behind. robert smith for example had left a douglas adams book and lenny kravitz had written "leck mich fett, is dat geil" or something on a sheet of paper (no, i won't translate that). ok, so i heard the interview with him and they taught him that sentence but why would he write it down and then leave the paper there? *major eyebrow raising*
highly disturbing stuff, i tell you...

oh, and before i go do terribly important things now: vote for AFI!


radiohead - creep



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