Home
Archives
Profile
Book
Notes
Mail
Cast
Misc
Rings
Host
never leave me, juliet bravo
2002-03-16
alright, it's time for a proper update. no, i didn't get time to add anything to the last one because we weren't in our usual room during the computer course and the one we were in didn't have a net connection (WHAT DAMN STONEAGE-LIKE CENTURY ARE WE LIVING IN?
actually, this is a weird morning. i just got an e-mail from a friend telling me how envious she is that i took the first step to improve my life by changing schools and all. we used to complain about how terrible our lives were and stuff and now i'm much better and all. but actually...i dunno if that's something to be envious about. i mean, sure, my life got a lot better and i am happier and i actually see some king of future for myself and all but it's not really something to be proud of. i haven't done anything for it to be that way. after i finished the one school i kind of got kicked out there because i hadn't got the qualifications to go on there and do the 11th class. and i couldn't repeat the year, either, because i had done that already. so i had to leave that school and do something else. so i went to that guy at the workers' office and he listed several chances for me and all i did at that point was say what i always say: 'uhm...i dunno...what do you reckon is the best decision?' and he said me to my current school. so now i'm there. and in my new class i met my mate sabrina and we hit it off and now we're kinda friends and spend some time together. so there's nothing i did to make it better, really. nothing to be proud of.
enough babbling for now. did you see my beautiful manics-test results?
stay beautiful!
)
i know it's early in the morning and probably 'normal' people are still asleep. but by now it should be pretty clear that i am all but normal. for a while i thought it was awfully cool to stay up til 2am or 3am or longer and sleep til 4 in the afternoon or so. but now i think it's much cooler to go to bed and get up whenever you like. to confuse people. when you stay up loooong and get up laaaate people expect you to do it and after a while it gets pathetic. it's much cooler when they don't know what to expect. like when they call you at 9pm and you're asleep or when they get up at 10am on a saturday morning and you're up already. their faces are really funny. 
ok, the fact that my life's sad enough that stupid shit like that amuses me is pretty funny, too.
i don't think i've done anything to be proud of in my life, yet. ok, i got a school degee. yey. but that's nothing without future plans. yeah, i do have some plans but no idea how to make them come true.
but the real problem is that i don't care, either. not much, anyway. i don't think i even wanna have something to be proud of. i just want a bloody job (not even an apprenticeship but a JOB) to earn money...a big fucking lot of money. and then i wanna move out and buy a car and go on holidays and all that stuff. dammit! i wanna go shopping and not always think like 'ooohhh...i dunno if i have enough money' and 'i have to check my wallet first' i want a bloody credit card and just go into a shop and buy that fucking CD or that stupid pair of jeans or even a damn expensive pair of sunglasses or something completely silly like...a while fucking hello kitty wardrobe if it pleases me. or a trip to stalk placebo. not that those would be things i desperately want and need. the thing is that i COULD go and buy them if i wanted to. and yeah, i could go a bit over the limits of my bank account, but i'd fix that with next month's paycheque. i am almost 20 and i have NOTHING. i have about �120 a month which used to be a be a hell of a lot of money but now it's just ridiculous. and i can't even get a job cos i'm still going to school and all the �325 jobs which are supposed to be made for students start at like 2pm or 3pm and i just can't make it by then. bla...
ok, it ruins the design of the site a little but let's face it...what is there to ruin? i'm proud of them, no matter what.
anyway...gotta take a shower now.
:::liebling::: 
-