Home Archives Profile Book Notes Mail Cast Misc Rings Host



almost 30

2004-11-14


so, this year wasn't so bad after all. though it certainly started with a bang when maja and i fell out at 11.30 last night. after that, i went straight to bed and didn't get up before noon or later. and then i still spend hours hiding in my room. watching tons of AFI videos and just...thinking. a while later my mum came in. i suppose she wanted to check whether i'm still alive or something. i think she was slightly pissed when she found out i had been hiding from her and everyone else. but i think i've never felt as bad about it all as this year. i just wanted to spend the day like a normal sunday. i didn't even want people to mention my goddamn birthday and felt slightly disappointed when they did. actually, when i first got online today, it seemed like no one had remembered it which was awesome. but as the day went on, more and more stuff happened. like, people posting birthday threads, sending me mail, blabla. i know i sound like a bitch. it's not that i don't appreciate them thinking of me. it's great, really. just...do it on another day. for whatever reason. but don't celebrate my goddamn birth. or if you have to celebrate it...go praise my mum for giving birth to me.

while hiding in my room today, it hit me how much silly tv i waste my time watching. i watched popstars and some show on how to train dogs to appear in movies. and then i watched some mtv special on "the most awesome make outs". and god, why the hell do i watch that crap? i'm not even interested in it. the memory of most of what is said and done on those shows doesn't even stay in my head for more than a few seconds. i could do so much useful stuff. like, study for my exams which will happen in TEN DAYS! ten fucking days. and i have done fuck all, yet. at least i wrote my last two reports today, so i can hand them in tomorrow. and i promised myself that i shall start studying tomorrow. and next weekend will be dedicated to it. yes, it will. it has to be. otherwise, i can just quit. oh god, i can feel myself panicking which is never a good thing.

oh well, i'll have a course after school tomorrow. it's supposed to prepare us for the practical/oral exams. i hope it'll help because i'm dead scared of it. but at least i found some pretty clothes for that last week. it's a really awesome pink top and a pin stripe jacket over it. and an insanely pretty scarf-thingie that i could also wear as a headband. we shall see...
i think i'll order something else from torrid, anyway. because there'll be three oral exams and i don't intend on wearing the same to them all.

i'm better off to bed now. can't afford being late again tomorrow.


placebo - bruise pristine



Previous - Next