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Little update on what's supposed to be my life
2005-09-14
Right now, my life sucks so much, I could easily compete with most Third World-country kids. I have pretty much no future, no one will hire me because I have close to zero work experience, my money is running out and my private life is suffering from that more than ever. Yet, I can't bring myself to really care. When I was still at school or working, I'd often freak out because I didn't know what future would bring and I was often getting paranoid about my references and wondering whether they'd be good enough. Now there really is a reason to freak out and kill myself in panic. But I'm actually quite cheery. Maybe because I don't spend too much time thinking about it. Which is so me. Avoiding the subject as much as possible. Even in my head. Though I must admit, now would be the perfect time to actually start thinking about a few things. But what difference would it make? As long as I can't invade people's mind and make them hire me, it's all pretty useless.
Gee, I'm so bored, I've become super-stitious. I got a fortune cookie with my Chinese food on Saturday and it said I was gonna win something soon. So I'm pretty much joining any competition I find now. If I win something, it's so gonna be something completely useless. I even signed up for that totally useless CokeFridge website. Which I'm probably not even allowed to do because my dad works for Coca Cola. I doubg I could get away with saying I never talk to him because I know he works for them.
*sigh* I wish there was a good friend living in my area. Ok, I suck. I've been planning to meet Tanja for ages now and I still haven't, so I must stop whining. Also, there's still Annette but I'm a bit hesitant to call her again. We hung out on Thursday after the interview but I felt like I was stealing her time since she's re-decorating her home at the moment. I even offered to help but she was all like "Nah, my friend's helping me already." And the stupid, egoistic and self-conscious voice inside me said "See? She doesn't need you!" again.
I must stop being so full of self-loathing or one day it'll drive everyone away...
The job interview last Thursday was ok-ish. It ended up being another temp agency. On my way to their office, I got a call from the other one telling me to drive to Ratingen that afternoon. And, of course, bring my folder and blah blah. I told them I was on my way to Neuss and asked whether we could arrange an interview on Friday because there was so little time but they refused. So I told them it was ok and I would show up there later that day. But during the interview in Neuss, I told the woman there that they could have my details and I'd stay with them. Afterwards, I called the woman in Dusseldorf and told her to send my stuff back and that I would cancel everything. I just don't feel like they could do anything for me. I mean, what have they done so far? Arranged interviews for two jobs that were the exact opposite of what they said they would look for and even half-way boycotted one interview I had landed myself by trying to get me to hurry up with that so I could go to another one for a job I didn't want. I hope the new one will be better. The interview was better anyway. I liked the woman more. The other one was very nice, too, but seemed a little forced-cheery.
I've also vowed to myself that I am not gonna spend another day like today. Which was staying in bed until 3 in the afternoon and then doing a great deal of nothing, followed by even more nothing. Tomorrow, I'll go out to buy some things I need, then I'll do the laundry. On Thursday, I'll be off to see some comedian anyway. Well, I guess I'll have to break my own vow on Friday at the latest because the new Sims add-on is out on Thursday. All real life activity will come to an end again.
Nine Inch Nails - Every Day Is Exactly The Same