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cute little hedgehogs and fluffballs and oh, there is a bus outside!
2004-03-14
i know it's been ages since my last update. i just didn't feel like writing anything. it would have been confusing crap anyway. because i was feeling up and down all the time lately. there was so much stress and pressure at school. well, there still is but i'm slowly getting used to it and i'm learning to deal with it. also, there are only two weeks left and i think i'm starting to realise that i'll soon be out of there again.
tomorrow is a crap day again. apart from the fact that it's monday, i have to write a german/sales communication exam in the first two lessons and a business economics test in the third and fourth lesson and i have to get an A in the latter in order to get a B as the final grade. hooray, eh? i know i'll never make it because no matter how much i study, the multiple choice questions will still confuse me. oh well...
yesterday was fun. i didn't really expect it but the gig was great. i wouldn't have guessed that limp bizkit manage to put on such a good show and that fred durst actually keeps up any communication with the audience but it was cool. there were quite some songs i didn't know and i'm far from knowing the lyrics but it doesn't matter. it was basically about shouting along the mostly ignorant and aggressive punchlines and we were definitely good at that.
anyway, thanks to the lovely road-fixing-people i have to go to bed now because there are THREE building sites on the A57 now (well, on the part that i have to use every morning to get to work, multiple them by 10 and i suppose you get the total number) and that means i'll probably have to leave home at 5 to arrive at school early enough to still get a legal parking lot. isn't life great?
the same ups and downs have happened to the whole car thing. first, we found a buyer, then another one, then they were all gone. one day, it seems like it's all gonna work out, the next there's only chaos left again. one day, we're all happy about things going our way, the next we're at each others' throats again. the worst part was my grandpa basically accusing me of only wanting his money. well, it was an indirect accuse but an accuse nevertheless.
but i'm getting used to that, too. i know i have to take my consequences out of everything that's being said and done at the moment and i know the rest of the family does, too. but basically i'm learning to ignore certain things.
the worst is actually that i'm also getting into arguments with friends because of all the stress these things are causing. i'm so nervous and anxious and stressed all the time, that i misunderstand things and blow them up and go off on the smalles occasions, really. so i had arguments with maja, annette and melanie and i think i've not been treating christoph too well, either. i just hope they know i'm just trying to deal with the pressure at the moment.
i felt a bit old, though. there was this group of teenagers next to us. the girls were definitely too styled and the guys were trying too hard to be cool (which included smoking joint after joint). i wanted to tell them that their behaviour was so meaningless. that all the make-up wasn't needed, that they needn't say endlessly "cool" things all the time, that doing drugs wasn't cool, etc. i was scared of myself. i really really shouldn't be thinking such things. they're things my mum would say. it's especially bad because i still don't feel grown-up. the thought of moving out and doing everything myself still scares me and i'm totally ignorant when it comes to things like insurances, taxes, etc. if there wasn't my mum who tells me what to apply to, where to go for what and stuff, i guess i'd just live like someone who's just moved here and used to live by themselves somewhere in the jungle or something.
limp bizkit - break stuff